One of the moments I love is getting my yard ready for the summer. Why? It means that I get to be outdoors, doing what I love, gardening!
When I bought my new house, I loved my big yard but was overwhelmed. What do I do first? What do I have to prepare? On and on. Overwhelmed.
The Annual Maintenance Plan
Today, after owning it for a while, I have a system and am in a groove. I almost count down the hours until I go outside and play in my yard.
Winter up in the northern part of North America can be harsh. On the one hand, this very extreme weather helps you start with a clean palette every Spring. Very very cold temperatures “clean” the environment.
And with that, once the snow clears, nature leaves behind branches, leaves, etc. But, if you are like me, I don’t remove all of my plants from the year before. The reason is that bugs get a place to survive and grow their young. It’s also good food for some animals that stay here for the winter.
And so, in the Spring, I go through a list of tasks that keep me busy outdoors – from basic things like topping up the soil to cleaning windows. Spring is the time to refresh your house and yard.
I’ve included my checklist of all my activities to get my house and yard ready. When I bought my house, I had NO CLUE what maintenance was required. So I have used this basic list to help me keep it straight and stay on track. It has served me well for many years.
Hints and Tips for Getting Your Yard Ready
Many of the activities are weather and temperature dependant. For example, you can’t dethatch your lawn when there is still snow on the ground.
Many of the maintenance activities build on top of each other. That’s because you can’t get it done in 1 weekend.
And if I feel truly overwhelmed, I do some activities and forgo others.
This checklist matches northern climates where there is a hard winter. Folks may have to tailor it for communities that have much milder (aka no snow) winters.
It takes me a few months before I have it all cleaned up (because I can only do this work on the weekends). But even though our summers are shorter than in other parts of North America, I still have many weekends to sit and enjoy the fruits of my labour.
My view while sipping wine after doing all my Spring Maintenance
Bliss Reflections
Well, for obvious reasons, Spring gives people joy. But for me, I have realized two things: 1) Physical work in the yard and on the house is good for me as it works off my stress, and 2) my yard and my house are my canvas.
As I wrote in my previous blog, I allow myself to express my artistic side through my renovations and gardening. It’s my outlet, and I have learned that to be a whole person, you can’t make work can’t be your everything.
As humans, we are more complex and have multiple sides and aspects. For example, since owning my own home, I have realized that I have to spend time in my garden or on my house and redecorating.
And I get such joy when I can sit under my gazebo, sip wine, and be in my zen in the summer. My house and backyard are genuinely my soul place – where I go to get refreshed and reenergized. And in the Spring, it just means my place of zen gets that much bigger!
The point of doing all this work and maintenance is that I enjoy it. And so, while the list is long, I make sure that I don’t just do but allow myself to “be.”
Bliss Hints and Tips
For more details about yard maintenance, check out one of my favourite magazines, Family Handyman, for all the handy gurls out there.
For an organic approach to caring for your lawn, check out this blog with some good options.
And here’s a list that guides you through spring maintenance from the inside out from ”The Spruce”.
I just had a memorable spring in the south! I have been down to Nashville a few times in my lifetime. We all know that Nashville is THE Music City, and if you want to hear some great country, rock or bluegrass, you can find it in Nashville.
I recently visited Nashville as part of a conference, and even though I had been before, I decided to try something different. If you have never been, visiting the Grand Old Opry, listening to live country music and enjoying some southern cooking is a must.
On my third time down, I decided to go for the historical perspective on Nashville and was lucky enough to do a few tours of a couple of southern mansions. One I stumbled on as I drove on a quick errand and came across The Hermitage and home of former President Andrew Jackson.
The other I found online using the Viator app (a tour company I had used when I was in Europe). The second one, Belle Meade, a mansion and thoroughbred farm, was also dripping in southern hospitality.
Both homes are grand in scale and oozing history. In my previous blog on touring the Metropolitan Museum of Art, I mentioned my love of museums. You can get lost in all that history, and museums always give you a new perspective on life. They teach you what life was like back when but also teach you what we have learned and what yet we have to learn.
Two Southern Mansion Tours
The two tours – The Hermitage and Belle Meade – were stunning. They were stunning both in terms of the dwellings and surrounding lands and rich in history and stories of southern life – good and bad.
Both featured families who owned the land centuries ago and, in their way, made a rich and luxurious living in Nashville. But you also learn about the darker side of the era where both farms saw civil wars and had a history with slavery.
As I said earlier my earlier post, it’s essential to learn about our history, good and bad. But, it’s also important to remember that museums tell you “a” story, and it is also essential to keep learning even after you leave the museum.
Tour #2: Belle Meade
About
Belle Meade is another southern mansion infamous worldwide as a thoroughbred farm. This farm is the place that sired horses like Iriquois, Seabiscuit and Secretariat. It was “born” in 1807, and the last family lived in this mansion in the early 1900s; in the 1950s, it became a historical location.
Belle Meade, otherwise known as “beautiful meadow,” is a former 1200-acre farm located within Nashville in the southwestern part. Today, Belle Meade is a historical museum with tours of the mansion and winery, including wine tastings, gift shops, and food and wine pairings.
The Tour
Like the Hermitage, Belle Meade is a grand and beautiful place. Not only can you visit inside the mansion and see what life was like in the 1800s, but you can spend time wandering the beautiful grounds and see how a farm from that era lived and operated.
My tour started in the mansion. Again, and like the Hermitage, the main hall is grand with 14-foot high ceilings. To the left is a beautifully laid-out dining table full of trimmings. A small family room is equally decadent and detailed, with a southern flair to the right.
Upstairs you find the bedrooms and a whole other living area, including a sitting room, a small kitchen, and a summer veranda. Again, I marvel at the decor and the attention to detail that has taken place to re-enact the living quarters of this civil war-era home. You can almost see the families travelling from room to room.
Lace, pastel colours, brass, dark walnut wood, and deep rich colours are everywhere. Beds are equally decadent with mile-high beds – which was a thing in that era. Elaborately decorated fireplaces are everywhere (the primary heating for the room).
Again, the mansion’s history also includes stories of the enslaved people who were this beautiful museum’s backbone. Two individuals who became emancipated were why this farm was so successful – Bob Green and Susannah Carter.
Bob Green was a world-renowned horse trainer that was an expert in his field. As head groom, he trained famous horses like Iroquois, Bramble, Enquirer and Luke Blackburn. Future descendants would be Seabiscuit and Secretariat.
Susannah Carter was the entrusted house servant and essentially ran the house. The Harding family, owners of Belle Meade, relied on Susannah to run the entire home, and she ensured the condition of the home was worthy of all its esteemed guests.
After touring the mansion, I wandered out with the group and sampled some wine from the local winery. I may have even taken a bottle home.
Afterwards, I spent time slowly wandering the grounds, including visiting the cabin of the enslaved people on this farm, the ice house, the smokehouse, and the stable house.The 30-acre grounds in the spring include grand southern trees and a sprinkling of vibrant spring colour and lush green grass.
My tour lasted 2 hours and was a blend between guided and self-guided. And as you can tell, I quite enjoy the self-guided.
Recipe
I was lucky enough to pick up a book with some authentic recipes from the era. Perfect Southern hospitality recipes that all sound delicious while not low in fat. I just purchased the book and have tried one recipe that had become a favourite and reminded me of the Affogato coffee recipe that I loved when I visited Australia a few years ago.
Coffee Punch
2 quarts of strong brewed coffee (8 cups) 1 pint of cold milk (2 cups) 2 teaspoons vanilla extract 1/2 cup sugar 2 quarts vanilla ice cream 1/2 pint heavy cream 1/2 tablespoon ground nutmeg
Assemble all ingredients and utensils. In a deep bowl, combine coffee, milk, vanilla and sugar. Chill. Break ice cream into chunks in punch bowl just before serving; pour chilled coffee mixture over ice cream. Whip cream and spoon into mounds on top of the punch. Sprinkle with nutmeg.
Recipe From: Meet Me at Belle Meade: Timeless Images and Flavourful Southern Recipes from a Sanctuary of Southern Hospitality by Andrew B. Miller, Mary Lawson and Daisy King (2014). Southwestern Publishing House: Nashville, TN.
Bliss Reflection
I love to wander. I am not 100% sure why, but I love to wander and learn about the life, people, traditions, and history.
Travelling, for me, is the school of life. It’s a history, geography, social studies and science lesson wrapped into one. Sure I heard about the civil war, southern plantations, and enslaved people in history books.
But until you are there, you don’t appreciate the stories, struggles and successes in the same way. There is so much more meaning to those stories when you see the place where it happened.
I consider myself blessed for being able to travel as I do. That came to a complete stop during Covid. And Nashville was the first trip in a post- Covid environment – ok, maybe a quieter period during Covid.
Being there just for four days gave me life. It once again fed my curiosity. I always leave with lots of questions and a renewed appreciation for the talent in a non-digital and non-tech world.
The artistry in the buildings, wood, food, and agriculture is impressive. But, seeing it in person allows everything you studied in school to leap off the page. And if you are like me, these travels inspire you to want to read and understand more.
So, it’s important to allow yourself to wander. Take the time to breathe and play.
I have been down to Nashville a few times in my lifetime. We all know that Nashville is THE Music City, and if you want to hear some great country, rock or bluegrass, you can find it in Nashville.
I recently visited Nashville as part of a conference, and even though I had been before, I decided to try something different. If you have never been, visiting the Grand Old Opry, listening to live country music and enjoying some southern cooking is a must.
On my third time down, I decided to go for the historical perspective on Nashville and was lucky enough to do a few tours of a couple of southern mansions. One I stumbled on as I drove on a quick errand and came across The Hermitage and home of former President Andrew Jackson.
The other I found online using the Viator app (a tour company I had used when I was in Europe). The second one, Belle Meade, a mansion and thoroughbred farm, was also dripping in southern hospitality.
Both homes are grand in scale and oozing history.
Two Southern Tours
In my previous blog on touring the Metropolitan Museum of Art, I mentioned my love of museums. You can get lost in all that history, and museums always give you a new perspective on life. They teach you what life was like back when but also teach you what we have learned and what yet we have to learn.
The two tours – The Hermitage and Belle Meade – were stunning. They were stunning both in terms of the dwellings and surrounding lands and rich in history and stories of southern life – good and bad.
Both featured families who owned the land centuries ago and, in their way, made a rich and luxurious living in Nashville. But you also learn about the darker side of the era where both farms saw civil wars and had a history with slavery.
As I said earlier, it’s essential to learn about our history, good and bad. But, it’s also important to remember that museums tell you “a” story, and it is also essential to keep learning even after you leave the museum.
In this two part series, I’ll share info on the Hermitage. And in Part 2, will share more about Belle Meade.
The Hermitage and Home of President Andrew Jackson (7th US President)
About
The Hermitage is a 1200-acre farm located in Nashville. In addition to the mansion, the grounds have a 1.5-mile walking trail peppered with buildings from the era, including a farm and the burial site of the former President, along with more modern trappings such as a gift shop, and café and a wine tasting area.
The Inside Tour
When you walk upon the Hermitage, you notice a grand mansion at the end of a tree-lined driveway. The grand scale of the front yard is breathtaking. As you walk up the trail in the front yard, you can’t help but notice the grand trees of the south lining each side of the driveway. You can almost see the horse-drawn carriage coming up the lane.
The Hermitage offers a guided tour, and once you arrive, staff greet you wearing era-appropriate costumes, and you quickly get a sense of the times.
Once inside, the grand scale of the 8000+ square foot residence and the 14-foot ceilings are stunning. The wrap-around Parisian wallpaper is so detailed that it tells a story. Yes, perhaps in today’s time, it would be over the top, but that hallway could be bigger than some of the main floors in homes today.
As you travel the rooms, you are cautioned not to touch any artifacts as many are centuries old. But the rooms are laid out with such detail that you would think the family would walk in any moment. Every room has the original furniture, including serving-ware, glassware, and décor such as clocks, frames and books.
On the tour, you travel to the main bedrooms, the main sitting room and the dining room. Next, you go up to the second floor and only visit the bedrooms for visitors. According to the tour guides, the second floor was only for visitors to the mansion. However, it welcomed all visitors, including those without a home who needed a place to rest. Therefore, these rooms were as equally decadent and luxurious.
Outside Tour
As you walk outside, you enter the sprawling homestead. You can take a 1.5-mile stroll throughout the property, visiting the original homestead (before the Jacksons built the mansion), the Springhouse cabin, and the enslaved people’s homes.
On your way back, you can go through the garden that holds the tombs of Andrew and Rachel Jackson. To complete the tour and not feel rushed, you need about 2 ½ hours. In the end, you can choose to visit the gift shop, enjoy lunch and enjoy a wine tasting of authentic Nashville wine. (In terms of the wine, I was pleasantly surprised and bought myself a delicious red.)
Overall, I knew very little about the era and this President. However, stumbling on the Hermitage made for a perfect sunny southern afternoon.
Bliss Reflection
I love to wander. I am not 100% sure why, but I love to wander and learn about the life, people, traditions, and history.
Travelling, for me, is the school of life. It’s a history, geography, social studies and science lesson wrapped into one. Sure I heard about the civil war, southern plantations, and enslaved people in history books.
But until you are there, you don’t appreciate the stories, struggles and successes in the same way. There is so much more meaning to those stories when you see the place where it happened.
I consider myself blessed for being able to travel as I do. That came to a complete stop during Covid. And Nashville was the first trip in a post- Covid environment – ok, maybe a quieter period during Covid.
Being there just for four days gave me life. It once again fed my curiosity. I always leave with lots of questions and a renewed appreciation for the talent in a non-digital and non-tech world.
The artistry in the buildings, wood, food, and agriculture is impressive. But, seeing it in person allows everything you studied in school to leap off the page. And if you are like me, these travels inspire you to want to read and understand more.
So, it’s important to allow yourself to wander. Take the time to breathe and play.
Bliss Hints and Tips
To read more about The Hermitage, check out their main page
The Whitehouse (of course) has more information about the 7th President, Andrew Jackson
For more information on this controversial figure, read a story from History.com.
Good leadership takes practice. It also takes regular self-reflection in order to shape your leadership. This practice of self reflection goes all the way back to my start as a nurse.
In my student nursing days, I had to practice a daily “journal” that allowed me to reflect on my day, what I learned and what I could improve. The promise? Was that as a student, I would continue to grow due to the art of self-reflection.
Instructors would have us reflect on:
what we learned that day
how the practices on the ward compared to what we learned in class, and
what we could improve
We would sit in a circle, and each would go around and share. You can imagine various responses – from very brief answers to long detailed stories and analyses. We all looked unsure about the outcome and impact this would have on us. But we pressed on.
I have to admit, I even wondered, “why are we doing this?” and “will this work?” And this is from the keener and optimist in the group! But after the course was over, I realized that it had worked. Due to that moment of reflection, I allowed myself to be:
1) vulnerable 2) humble 3) kind to myself and 4) growth-minded
Shape Your Leadership
The only real training for leadership is leadership.
– Antony Jay
Fast forward to when I took on leadership positions and realized how much growing I had to do. Those early days were a little painful. In those days, I didn’t feel I had my groove or my flow in terms of leadership. It felt very clunky. And I struggled some days with sometimes feeling like I didn’t own my style and that I used the wrong tools for the wrong situations.
And then, I remembered my student nursing days and that initially ” useless ” journal and reflective exercises. (I had a lot to learn.) After realizing that it worked in my “student” days, I wondered if it could work in my “student” days as a new leader. And it did. I went from questioning everything I was doing to hitting my stride.
The exercise was simple – each day on my drive home, I would ask myself:
What about today lined up with my leadership “NorthStar.” What about today didn’t and why? What could I do better the next time? And if I made a mistake, is there anything I can do tomorrow to correct it?
Practicing It
And so, each day as a new leader, I allowed myself to think about these questions. Each evening, on my commute home. I chose to do this on the commute home. And just like my nursing days, the first few reflections were slow and painful, and then they got easier and easier. But the practice made it more perfect, and I had to keep doing it each day and then I quickly got the hang of it and noticed the benefit.
A few days on the ride home, I felt joyful and light because I felt I “nailed it” and was true to my NorthStar, and then there were a few drives home where it was painful to relive my day because I knew I had made a mistake.
I still remember some of those – I openly got frustrated with a staff member or when I did an overkill action, and all about ego. Of course, I have had a few bad ones and many of them with ‘good intentions .’But the only word I can use for those moments is “ouch.”
I was so hard on myself those days too, and still can be today. But I cope with those days using this moment to reflect. I think I have slight anxiety or OCD, and I can easily play over a thought for hours. And using this reflective exercise allowed me to stop that spinning and enjoy the rest of my day outside of work.
But most importantly, it allowed me to reflect on how I was true to my NorthStar and helped me focus on how my everyday actions brought me closer to being in alignment. It allowed a very incremental way of owning my leadership style. So I had over 200 opportunities each year to learn and grow as a leader.
Were there nights I didn’t reflect, sure, but I always tried hard not to miss this “session” because then I was cheating myself. Cheating myself from growing and cheating myself from being present at home. But, again, those car ride reflections allowed me to keep work at work.
New mindset new results words letter, written on piece of memo paper, work desk top view. Motivational self development business typography quotes concept
Bliss Reflection
Those reflective moments taught me a lot. On those drives home, I defined my leadership values, grew as a leader, and recognized when my ego made me “step in it .” But, they also taught me that you could correct an error and ask your team member if we can “re-do yesterday” if possible. And I have done that a couple of times.
Each of those times, the staff handled it with grace and I with humility. But, I also used those moments to practice my leadership values and clarify my intentions and what I could have done differently. The feedback I received was that the staff appreciated my willingness to reflect on my actions and acknowledge my errors.
The feedback I received was that it helped build trust with my team and confidence in my leadership. And those moments allowed me to grow – probably grow the most – because those moments of admission forced me to look at myself and motivated me to work harder next time.
Those “if I could do it again moments” also allowed the staff member to share how my actions impacted them, and that was important for me to hear as a leader because it allowed me to shape my leadership model even more.
The reflections weren’t always about the bad things. Over time, and because of this drive home exercise, I had quite a few positive reflections. Frequently, I was able to identify the moments in alignment with my leadership framework and on those drives home, I was on a high.
And now, 20 years on, I am grateful for those student nursing days and this practice of self-reflection. Without them, I am not sure I would be the leader I am today. Don’t get me wrong, I am still learning and growing, but I am grateful for being shown the power of self-reflection. And in the end, I am a fan of those exercises and am now convinced that they work!
Bliss Hints and Tips
For another list of self-reflective questions as a leader, check out this post from Leaderonomics.
As I said in my earlier posts How to Take Some Baby Steps, and A Random Act of Kindness, feeding my curiosity brings me joy. But these stories aren’t about me. I’m curious about what brings my friends joy and bliss in their days.
Surprisingly, and maybe because we are friends, I discovered some similarities even though I interviewed them separately. But also heard about some key differences. And I learned a few new and interesting things about each of them.
While they each presented differing circumstances and very personal stories, they all realized that in order to find joy, they had to:
1) step out of their comfort zone 2) consciously choose to reframe or rethink how they looked at a situation and do that on a daily basis 3) take baby steps – no bing bang or one and done changes 4) realize they are just like everyone else around them and everyone started “here” at one point or another 5) be kind to themselves as they were “stretching”
Here is Buddy Bliss #3.
Buddy Bliss #3
I am lucky. I have known a lot of my friends for at least over 10 or 12 years. I find once I meet a new friend, they become friends for a long time. This friend is no different.
I met her through another friend, and since then we have travelled to places like New York City, enjoyed long weekend cabin excursions and have done a lot of “silly” together. We even realized that we both love the arts and opera! Sure, like with all your friends you have differences, but we’ve sure found more things we enjoy than not. And usually with the “silly” there are a lot of laughs.
I chose to end my series of friend interviews with this friend. Its because I knew what it took for her to be “interviewed” much less for it to be posted on a blog – something in the past she would NEVER do even if you bribed her with her favourite craft beer. So the fact that she did this, brings me joy, for her.
She stepped out of her comfort zone. And is doing it at a time, when most folks suggest that due to people’s age, they won’t change. So her being willing to be a part of this is even doubly more special and “joyous” for her.
So here.we.go!
Question So, spring is here and it means a time for renewal and fresh perspectives. So what are some fresh perspectives that have given you joy?
Response Yes, fresh perspective. Something I think I have to all the time. Because sometimes you get caught up in day to day living and well, it can wear you down physically and emotionally. You have to look at things with fresh eyes and look at how to reenergize yourself and for me a big example was when I had a harder time in my life and I realized that to get through it, I had to concentrate on positive things every day.
Question So how exactly did you do that?
Response Well, I started out with small things like choosing to focus on the sunrise or looking or learning how others approached a situation and looked at what was good or positive about that. What I realized was that joy or positivity doesn’t always fall on your lap. You have to go out there and look for it.
Question Sounds too easy, no?
Response There was a time that each day was about some form of despair or depression. Its not easy. I am not sure exactly what brought me out of that but realizing you have to make a choice because life is going on around you and if you don’t find something to motivate you its just going to keep getting worse. So sometimes I fake it till I make it. But I realized that I can’t life in isolation and if you don’t actively put yourself in a positive spot, it won’t happen. You have to force yourself into that mindset.
Question So what is one of those bliss moments for you?
Response Mine is my saxophone. Although I had to push myself to learn the saxophone, I love it. I knew nothing about playing the saxophone and I just had to find a way to believe in myself and push myself to find situations that brought me joy. No one is going to take your hand and one day I just wanted to play music and found myself joining a jazz band. Of all things! I would have missed out on something that brought me so much joy! And today, I can’t imagine what if I never just “did it” – how much I would have missed out on!
Question So I’ve asked folks in our circle, what would be some hints and tips for folks. What would be some that you’d want to suggest?
Response 1) Take daily baby steps – I learned to recognize I just kept doing the same daily routines. And there was nothing special or something I could appreciate. I find myself walking outside and seeing the sun shine and the birds sing and seeing it as my “Disney” moment. Finding joy doesn’t have to a big thing, and it can be all the small things around you that make you crack a smile.
To get through those hard times, you just have to chunk things into manageable steps. You can’t get focussed on the big end goal. Focus on the mini steps and each little step you take celebrate…and then take the next small step. It’s true – one day you look back and you realize “you did it” but focussing on the whole end goal, is just too overwhelming.
2) If you have a hard time finding the small things, it may mean you have to start slowing down and taking it all in. I now have to take a minute to look around me and find what would once look like the most insignificant thing, like a puddle, gives me joy. Or walking past a park with kids playing and hearing a silly story, can bring you joy! I think I had to learn to stop and look around and some days really look around and take just a little more time to reflect. I realized that we are surrounded by beauty and fun and the incredulity of the plant. How often do we look up at the stars or a blade of grass and be fascinated?
3) You are not alone. We all go through crap. I have realized that no one is living a beautiful life and with perfection. We falsely assume people have it all and that’s a high bar to live up to. And its not the case. So sometimes you have to let go of these false thoughts and realize everyone is just like you and trying to sort life out.
The world can be crushing if you think you are along. So I also look to others and see what is making t hem happy. By watching others, I can learn and see what brings others joy. Its ok to open up to other people and who understand you and its ok and safe to do that. And if you find that others are going through it, it helps. At the same time, you can’t get overly caught up in sharing how bad things are…that’s not good either. So you have to share and then also keep moving forward and not getting stuck in complaining!
4) Remember – this too shall pass. When you go to try something new, you can talk yourself out of it. When you step out of your comfort zone, this feeling of awkwardness and fear, will pass. I have to remind myself to relax, and breathe.
I was listening to a podcast one day and the therapist was chatting with a young adult who was anxious about going to class and was feeling isolated. And I remember what the therapist said “its 5 seconds” and this will pass. Its such a short period of time, so why not just reach out to someone? Its just 5 seconds! And I thought “how true”. Just stepping out of your zone, means taking 5 seconds, doing something different, and then, those 5 seconds of discomfort are over! And you moved forward.
So when I learned my saxophone (something that took me out of my comfort zone), I just pulled out a poster I had with one of my favourite quotes, and just said “right” and went for my lesson. So find that phrase or favourite quote that gets you to move forward and remind yourself to keep improving or advancing. Whatever fear you are feeling, will pass and sometimes you have to replace that fearful thought with a new thought!
The wins when you step out of your comfort zone!
Question So this sounds great but what if you slip back into your old ways?
Response When I recognized that things at work were getting me down about a month ago, I realized that you can’t completely guard yourself against feeling bad. So sometimes I think you have to recognize that you can’t pull yourself out of feeling bad, instantly. When things are weighing on us, you have to force yourself to find the happy things to focus on but you also have to be kind to yourself when you do find yourself feeling down. And you have to put things into perspective.
For example, a coworker left work a few months ago. When she left, I realized she was my anchor at work and kept me positive….and when she left, I realized my anchor left and worried how worse things at work were going to get. And then after stewing, I realized that you just have to accept the anger and feeling depressed but no situation will be forever.
So you have to adapt. And maybe you have to use a new coping mechanism and maybe you need a break. And for me that was playing the sax (saxophone) and reading. And after a while I realized – that didn’t help so I needed to change my routine and reassess.
Life is crazy and messy and you just have to choose to move forward and you can’t stay stuck in that one place forever. But you just have to move forward. And its hard but 5 seconds of discomfort and you’re already one step ahead.
Bliss Reflection
Years ago, my friend probably would have never agreed to be interviewed for this blog. So it’s pretty amazing that she agreed to doing this. I know that sharing her story was probably putting her way put of her comfort zone. I know – I saw her struggle to try to share and could feel the tension between wanting to just stop and knowing she had to keep going.
I didn’t force her to keep going. She wanted to.. I admire her for doing this and her spirit. She knew this new journey in blogging has brought me joy and she in turn wanted to support it even though it made her uncomfortable. Wow.
I am grateful that she wanted to share her story. I think when you have someone want to grow like she does, you have to admire it. It gives me hope and reminds me that I am never stuck and if she can do this, so can I. And that gives me joy.
Bliss Hints and Tips
– Still not convinced? That’s ok. Here are some more hints and tips on stepping out of your comfort zone and also one from the Inside of Happiness.
As I said in my earlier post, How to Take Some Baby Steps, feeding my curiosity brings me joy. And while I am discovering what brings me joy, I also want to discover what brings my “squad” or circle of friends joy too.
So I decided to start interviewing my friends and asking them, what gives you bliss or joy? Surprisingly, and maybe because we are friends, I discovered some similarities even though I interviewed them separately. But also heard about some key differences.
While they each presented differing circumstances and very personal stories, they all realized that in order to find joy, they had to:
1) step out of their comfort zone 2) consciously choose to reframe or rethink how they looked at a situation and do that on a daily basis 3) take baby steps – no bing bang or one and done changes 4) realize they are just like everyone else around them and everyone started “here” at one point or another 5) be kind to themselves as they were “stretching”
Here is Buddy Bliss #2.
Buddy Bliss #2
Although each of my friends asked for anonymity, I can assure all of them are real. My second friend and I have been friends for over 45 years (sorry to my friend for revealing your age). Since we were little, we have probably spent every second or third weekend together. In our younger years, we played “Charlie’s Angels” in our front yard and in our young adult years we travelled and now in our “best years” we enjoy camping and evening fires and a nice glass of wine. We reminisce and laugh a lot. But not sure we have ever asked each other these kinds of questions. And so I set out to ask them – what brings you joy?”
Here.we.go.
Question: Its finally spring. Time for renewal, being renewed and thinking anew. Can you think of a time when you chose to look at a situation differently and its proven to give you joy?
Response: Oh my. OK. I think what brings me joy is talking or acknowledging somehow and in some way the people I see or pass. So if I am walking down a hall at work, I will nod my head to, or smile and say Hi to whomever I pass. I’ll say “Hi” to the construction workers working on my house and take a moment to chat with them! If it’s a janitor in the building or a complete stranger that I pass, I will at least greet them.
Question: What kind of examples do you have? Who do you talk to?
Response: Well…almost anyone is who I talk to.
Sometimes I connect with people I haven’t connected in a while. Even at work. One time I just kind of reached out to a branch that I knew had stuff going on. And just by a simple question and reaching out, people just opened up. Wow – did they share. And it does feel good to know that you could be there for that person.
It could be the construction workers at my workplace. By the time they are done, I know their hobbies, their likes, things about their families, etc.
Sometimes with young children in my family, I love seeing the world through their eyes. Looking up and seeing an airplane for the first time. And for a moment, you get caught in that wonder and amazement. It just does something for the soul to be amazed especially when you get caught up in focussing on your daily chores and lives.
Or for another office coworker who was experiencing grief, I reached out. I never really hung out with this individual, but I just wanted to reach out and just sent a short email. I was surprised by their reaction. They shared that they were contemplating resigning because they thought people around the office didn’t care. Me reaching out to them, meant something to them. And then I thought – this could be me one day. And what if I needed someone to just reach out?
So moments like these want me to stay connected to people and staying connected or connecting people, is my joy.
Question: Why do you do this? (Laughing) Aren’t you worried folks will think you “strange”?
Response: I am not exactly sure why. I guess life can be “heavy filled” with losses and burdens enough. People may carry all of this. Everyone has a story behind their lives – they have families, friends, and deep worlds within them and stuff we don’t see.
Even before Covid, I chose to make this my practice. And especially during Covid, when we were so separated, I feel to do it even more. I guess I see that we all are connected – there’s that human connection that I think about. I like people, even though some can be (insert expletive).
But we all have hard times and have that “story” and maybe a story of victory. And I like kind of acknowledging that “I see you” and sometimes if folks are carrying “things” that sometimes is all that person needs and that makes me feel good too.
I like people with all their faults and quirks and their stories. I love seeing all that – people are interesting to me.
Sometimes I think its also my faith. My faith – the very friendly and inclusive version – has been my foundation. I believe in kindness and believing in helping however you can, however small. We just need to give more of ourselves and not turn our back on one another. Covid has really strengthened that for me.
And well, we have one go around at life, and you have to make it count. And this is one of my ways of making it count.
Question: What if you couldn’t do this anymore, for whatever reason?
Response: If I couldn’t do it anymore? I’d feel a sorrow or a loss. Kind of silly, but my people at the grocery store know me, my contractors know me, and we just have so few changes to connect with people. I would feel like I am missing out. I guess I find it comforting. And knowing that these people broadens my worlds. You learn so much about people and their customs, traditions and beliefs and you realize that they are not better than your own, and help you grow. So I see this learning as a “win”.
Question: Sometimes stepping out of your comfort zone like you do, requires a daily reminder and daily action. How do you do that?
Response: I use this phrase “my joy is your joy and I take pleasure in your joy”. I feel such pleasure and joy when I see somebody else happy.
I just remind myself “can there be such a thing as too much kindness in this world”. And we know the answer to that question – no!
I also live by another quote “the best way to get an old friend is to get a new friend”.
Question: So if folks are reading this and a finding doing this awkward or uncomfortable, what advice do you have to share about how you break out of that “fear”?
Response:
The more you do it, the easier it gets. Of course. It starts with a simple Hi and in my experiences everyone says Hi back.
Just eye contact and acknowledging the person with a head nod or wave makes me feel human. And human to human, I feel I am acknowledging them.
Realize you have nothing to lose and who knows you might make a new acquaintance
Accept that the outcome isn’t always a conversation. There is no pressure to have a discussion.
I always try to walk with open body language and speak with a positive tone.
If you do this with someone that you pass frequently or often, then just start with a Hi. Those first initial Hi’s matter.
Believe that sometimes you meet people for a reason. And as the saying goes, you meet people for a reason, or a season or a lifetime. The goal isn’t an expectation that this will be a lifetime, but I sure enjoy my life more knowing that I have had thousands of these small “warm” contacts.
Try not to worry if you will look “odd”. I figure, what do you have to lose. If they don’t answer you, or ignore you – so what?
Question: When I asked you to think about a bliss story, did you think you would go here?
Response: Gee, no. Not at all. This went where I didn’t think it would go. Wow. (Laughing). Sometimes it takes somebody to remind you to look around a bit. Its quite wondrous.
Bliss Reflection
As long as I known my friend, she has done this – waved and said Hi to complete strangers. Whether its truck drivers that we pass on a highway or a grocery store clerk – she will take a moment to wave Hi or crack a joke.
And I can tell you first hand, that no one looks at her strangely. And if in the rare instance they do, it becomes a moment that is forgotten quickly.
What isn’t forgotten is how for a brief moment two people connected over a Hi and a smile. You can see how the other person lights up or lightens when they realize a complete stranger “sees them” or is curious about them.
Its this random act of kindness that only costs you a “hi” and stepping our of your comfort zone for a few seconds. And sometimes this random act can lead to a new friend, or a new business contact or just a moment in your day where you’ve heard a great story. So the next time you pass a stranger, will you smile and say “hi”?
Bliss Hints and Tips
So if saying Hi to strangers isn’t your thing, check out some other random acts of kindness ideas.
Want to be really random? Try this tool from Mentalhealth.org.uk. You can click a button and it will tell you which act to do today.
This past winter where we live, has been long and dark. As a result, I had to find a way to keep my now senior dog engaged and working his brain. Happy dog, happy life, right? A great solution (referred to me by another dog owner) is the Nina Ottoson line of pet toys.
Toys and Options
Nina Ottoson specializes in creating toys that help dogs (and cats) do what comes natural to them: hunt. The company has a series of toys and each help your four legged creature practice new skills, and practice at different levels. The reward for hunting? Just some of their everyday kibble or a special treat or snack.
Toys are predominantly made out of plastic (at least the ones I have purchased) are washable (soap and water and top tray dishwasher safe), and come in all shapes and sizes. Many of them require our furry friends to use eyes, nose, paws, and sometimes a combination of all of the above. Treats are hidden in a vary of compartments and under levels and layers. Play time can vary and the first time, usually takes longer as the dog tries to figure out what movement they need to do, in order to uncover their treat.
Games come in 4 levels, and toys generally require a compartment from being swung open, a lever being tapped, or a cover being removed. Using their nose is a MUST!
Cost for the toys vary and depending on where you live can run anywhere from about $15 or so up to $30. They sometimes go on sale on amazon, and are available in pet stores.
Review
So far, we have used the Dog Tornado and the Dog Smart toys (and we have the Brick ready to go). My little pup loves both toys, and very quickly was able to figure out the “movement”. I was worried he wouldn’t get it, but I should have had more faith in my buddy!
He’s quickly mastered both games, and loves the challenge. He uses all of himself to pop compartments open, and uses his mouth, teeth, nose, and paws. He may struggle getting a compartment open, but once he picks up the scent, he is determined.
And after months of use, the toys show no signs of wear and tear. Very sturdy so far in fact!
He’s also an older dog and he loves these toys. So I think these toys will suit dogs young and old. I love that his brain is challenged and for 20 minutes or so, he is entertained and feeling “accomplished”.
I don’t know why I didn’t learn about these toys sooner. But I am glad that I did, today. So is Ziggy.
Bliss Reflection
It goes to say, watching any child or pet play gives you joy. I don’t need to over analyze it. Watching your furry friend get pleasure out of accomplishing a task, and being rewarded is just….fun. In many ways it’s therapeutic.
It’s a perfect way to unwind, and for a brief moment, forget about what is happening at your office. The power of play I guess. I guess I just realized its my own way of being in the moment, and allowing myself and him, just have a good time – no judgement, and no expectations. It’s just a moment of pure bliss!
Note: I have not received any payment or incentive or any other forms of promotion from Nina Ottoson. This review is my own.
Bliss Finds and Facts
Nina Ottoson has a very informative website that can help you decide which toy is best for your furry friend – cats and dogs alike. The site also helps you purchase toys best on levels of difficulty – level 1 for easier games and level 4 for the most challenging. We are in Level 1 and 2.
For folks looking to marry high tech and interactive pet toys, look into some of these suggestions.
The answer is yes and its nature’s artwork. My whole life, I have never stepped into a cave – a live cave – that continues to grow its formations. Recently, I fed that curiosity and for the first time in my life I wandered and got lost in a cave in Missouri.
Location
Missouri is known for its caves. This particular cave is located down in the Ozarks, which is about a three hours drive from St.Louis. The Ozarks by itself has a lot to see including caves. The Bridal Caves, my first ever cave, didn’t disappoint.
History
The Bridal Caves, first protected in 1948, are named after a long history of “hosting” nuptuals for ancient people. The caves are located under Thunder Mountain and are located in the heart of the Ozarks in the Thunder Mountain State Park. There is a well told story where ancient local people – the Osage Native Americans – would crawl through this long and claustrophobic tunnel only to exchange vows inside these grand caves. That, is commitment.
Tours
On a hot and muggy Missouri day, you get a nice reprieve and enter a cool 60F environment, 30 feet below the surface. The cave comes alive and wows you from the minute you enter its chambers. Tall structures wrap around you as you meander through the many tunnels and entries. Colours or orange, gold, brown, white and red are all over. Wow.
You will learn about the many rock sculptures, how this cave is continuing to grow and see a wide array of formations ranging from “soda straw” looking structures to impressive rockscapes. Stalagmites, stalactite, and flowstones all over. You see formations that grow slowly from the ceiling and come down, and in another chamber you see ones growing from the ground up.
When you get to the end of the cave, you are surprised by a “Mystery Lake” that showcases true azure blue and teal colours. All this beauty deep in the heart of the cave structure.
One note – I had maybe not gone into caves because I thought I would be claustrophobic. I am pleased to say – I did well. Sure there were points where the walls were a little close, but I just kept focussed on the beauty and knowing the oxygen was flowing around me everywhere. And I am now raring to go to my next cave!
Bliss Reflection
Trying something new will always give you joy. But marvelling at how nature knows how to do”this”is what really gives me joy. I can learn for hours and still ask questions.
Caves continue to grow. Their formations are alive and as the years go by, they continue to create new sculptures. The colours or the rock change as the minerals, air and water interacts and you are suddenly under a 30 ft high ceiling, with smooth rock cascading down to your feet.
Caves are an unique form of art. They are impressive and grand. And what is most impressive, is the human hand has nothing to do with it. This is all nature.
Bliss Finds and Facts
For more information about the cave and Park, click here.
To dig deeper into cave formation and learn the basics, check out a site from the National Caves Association.
If you want to learn more about the different types of caves, check out Startcaving.com
“Success is nothing more than living your life according to your own truth and your own terms”
– Robin S. Sharma
Life Challenge: Imbalance
I am sure when you read that title you thought that this was another article that was going to illustrate how working hard can give you joy. Many years ago, I would have written an article like that.
I am/was a workaholic. I say it that way because I am still on my journey to recover from being one. Years ago – I never realized how unbalanced I really was until a former partner and my sister put it right in my face. And I am thankful they did.
Early in my career, I felt this odd and now strange loyalty to “the corporation”. I recalled doing some crazy things like spending all weekend working on a project and sending emails all weekend, to going on a personal trip and feeling compelled to visit one of our sites on the trip, even if that meant, my then partner and sister had to delay their plans. There was this madness or hamster wheel I was on, that made me believe that my life’s purpose was for “the corporation”.
And you can imagine how delaying plans on a personal vacation went. I was not only informed of my behaviour, I experienced the consequences of it. It was this moment, that I began to question “why do I have this belief or drive”, “at what cost, do I want to nurture this drive””, and “does the corporation really care I have this drive?”. I had to face these questions head on.
The goods news is that I think (and hope) I have a more balanced perspective about “joy” and work. In fact, I think if you are into workaholism, I worry its at a cost to your true joy.
Yes, I get that doing well in your career and making a difference in people’s lives, gives people joy. And I love the people I work with and am very grateful to them and for them and because of them, am lucky.
However, I now argue that workaholism is about imbalance and by its very nature defines being joyful about doing more, and getting gratification from a place that doesn’t always give back. I would argue that it is about putting your energy towards something that just always wants more and more.
** One caveat – I am not a trained professional such as a psychologist. I only share what worked for me and helped me shift. And the list below is just a starting point that helped me flow in a new direction. **
The Opportunity: 5 Small Steps to Take and Begin “Being”
Any addiction is tough (but not impossible) to shift. And mine is a life long journey of recovery. And I have made a lot of progress. It has taken years but there were a few early steps I have taken that has helped me start breaking free from the burden of my belief system. Here is what worked for me (and respect that this may not work for everyone)
1. Reframe: Start Repeating “I am a human being not a human doing”
After disappointing my family and friends on our personal vacation, I became more curious about how exactly “I got here”. All I knew was it wasn’t working for me anymore, but I didn’t know what “the right way” was. Until one day, I was reading a book and recalled in bold text, the author stating “I am a human being and not a human doing!” And there it was – the moment I realized how mixed up my thinking really was. I then used this as my mantra everyday. And when the thoughts of guilt crept in about work, I would utter this mantra and caused my frame of reference to shift.
2. Reallocate: Track and Shift how much time you spend on work
Sometimes greater awareness using objective information can help open your eyes to exactly how much time you spend on work. Tracking it on a sheet can very quickly draw your attention to how much of your precious time is spent on: sleep, work, family and friends, and personal growth. And then after you track that for a few months (to get a sense of your trend over time), decide what those numbers and proportions should be. And then see what small steps you could take to advocate for yourself.
3. Reaffirm: Define your own terms and boundaries
The Great Resignation, resulting in people leaving their “successful” careers to find balance, is a sign that people see it and want to define life on their terms and set some boundaries. Setting these boundaries is not only healthy but helps you be true to yourself. Setting boundaries is not a “big bang” event. It takes numerous baby steps and repeated actions but setting boundaries around your time, your pace, your evenings, lunch hours and weekends, are a must.
And as I wrote in another blog post, part of finding joy is needing to declare your north star. Having a north star helps you define your boundaries.
4. Reinvest: Find 1 hobby or leisure activity that you love – truly love
I had taken the early steps to change the way I thought about things. And now I needed to start investing my time not in work but in me. This is when I started to enjoy camping and gardening. I found peace and solace in being in nature and working the soil, or sitting by a fire and just zoning out. Finding a hobby allows you to learn about yourself. This new hobby helps you discover what makes you tick, really tick. Once you start learning what that is, it makes you crave it more.
Having this hobby also helps you define yourself in new ways. You learn you can be more than work
5. Reflect: Take a few moments everyday to acknowledge the small steps you have taken
And finally, you need to continue to look back and see how much progress you have made and celebrate. You need to know where you can tweak your steps and plans, but you mostly need to find ways to celebrate what you have done. This is hard work, and every single step, counts. You can reflect by writing in a journal or just take 15 minutes every day and just think about what this past week went in the right direction in terms of your journey and what else you can do next week to keep you going.
The one last comment I do want to share is if you see yourself as a workaholic, be kind to yourself. While I know I could read more about addictions and recovery, my story is about taking a trial and error approach to healing. But the one thing I have learned is that you can’t heal if you carry shame and guilt. Healing comes from being kind to yourself. That also is a life long “thing” I am learning, but step one, is kindness. It’s the first step to creating that new flow.
Bliss Moment #18
My bliss moment comes from knowing that I have made a lot of strides in curbing my workaholism. I am not done, and accept there will always be an element of it in my life. I am ambitious, determined and visionary and sometimes I lose my balance.
However, being ambitious, determined and visionary should not equate to needing to be a workaholic. And, life isn’t always about doing more. I do think you can be Type A and still find balance. It takes work but I have to admit I am more joyful knowing that I can give myself permission to take a break from work. In fact, I am at a point where I encourage the team I work with, to shut off and forget work and I do not send them any messages or texts on the weekend.
I am proud to say that I have learned the art of napping (without guilt) on the weekends. I could never do it years ago and admired those who could. Today, I am happy to say I can and give my brain permission to shut off.
I love giving myself the freedom to not worry about work. I now enjoy getting lost in gardening or landscaping. Letting go of the guilt of “well XX is due next week and so I should really get it going this weekend” is freeing.
I work hard 9-5 (ok maybe 8 to 6). I am productive, effective and reliable team member. However, on my evenings and weekends, I give myself permission to be as productive, reliable and caring to myself.
I am still working on balancing work within my 9-5 day and am finding the courage to set boundaries, and set the pace I am comfortable with. Recently, an executive coach (who was worth every penny) reminded me that one of my “needs” is to have freedom not just after work but also “in the 9-5”. I will share how that is going later on and as always, open to hearing your ideas.
But the balance and finding it, is critical. If I am balanced, I am more effective. If I am balanced, I work smarter not harder. When I am balanced, I am focussed on the right things – things that matter. And that sets the tone not just for my team but for myself.
Life is short. And I want to look back on my life and remember the adventures not just the “tasks and projects” I worked on. I have more to say and share on recovering from being a workaholic but sure am more joyful these days. I know that I have to continue to make progress and challenge the “beast” on a daily basis. Because if I don’t challenge the beast, returning to my workaholic ways is just a short slide away. And I can’t go back.
You can’t live with regret. The one I regret I do have is not realizing it sooner. But I don’t regret being called out for it. It was the moment that caused me to shift and flow in a new direction. That pivotal moment was the first time I believed in finding joy in the everyday.
Bliss Finds and Facts
For basic information about workaholism and how the evidence continues to shift, read the following short article from the American Psychological Association. Just more proof why I have to keep working at this journey.
As with all things, nothing is black and white. Here is an article that points out this thing called workaholism is also not black and white. See what you think.
For some understanding about some factors that can contribute to this tendency, here is a recent article about perfectionism from the Canadian Psychology Association.
