Feeding my curiosity brings me joy. And while I am discovering what brings me joy, I am also wanting to discover what brings others joy too.

So I decided to start interviewing my friends and asking them, what gives you bliss or joy? Surprisingly, and maybe because we are friends, I discovered some similarities even though I interviewed them separately. But also heard about some key differences.

While they each presented differing circumstances and very personal stories, they all realized that in order to find joy, they had to:

1) step out of their comfort zone
2) consciously choose to reframe or rethink how they looked at a situation and do that on a daily basis
3) take some baby steps – no bing bang or one and done changes
4) realize they are just like everyone else around them and everyone started “here” at one point or another
5) be kind to themselves as they were “stretching”

Here is Buddy Bliss #1

Buddy Bliss #1

Although each of my friends asked for anonymity, I can assure all of them are real. My second friend is my sister. So I guess you can say we’ve been friends for life. Since we were little, we have probably spent every second or third weekend together. In our younger years, we played “Charlie’s Angels” in our front yard and in our young adult years we travelled and now in our “best years” we enjoy camping and evening fires and a nice glass of wine. We reminisce and laugh a lot. But not sure we have ever asked each other these kinds of questions. And so I set out to ask them – what brings you joy?”

Here.we.go.

Question
So what moment in your life do you think you had to choose a “fresh” perspective on things?

Response
So when I joined cross-fit 6 years ago and was 60lbs heavier – I was the slowest, and heaviest I have ever been. When my mom passed away and I realized that I had stopped living in order to take care of her. She was my focus. And while I knew my mom was well looked after, I could tell that it had consumed me and I fell into a bit of a depression. And the weight came on.

And I knew after she passed away, I needed to change things – for myself.

Question
So what did you do? Where did you start?

Response
I just started moving. Just to get a new flow going. I knew someone who had done cross-fit and they asked me to join them. And I said I would give it a try and see how it goes. And I ended up loving it! And I think the real shift in thinking was that I realized that this wasn’t about “exercise” but enjoying the movement for the sake of movement. And I began to wonder “why do I enjoy this so much?”

Question
And what was the answer?

Response
Because I loved pushing myself and I loved that they help push me. And movement helps me feel much less burdened. And I need that.

Question
Tell me more about those early days? Why didn’t you just give up?

Response
I started enjoying it and the movement, and I realized I had to remind myself when I was my slowest and heaviest, that this wasn’t about me keeping up with these super fit people. But the super fit people helped make me want to stretch. And this was just about me improving. And that helped me stay with it.

Question
What else seemed to keep you going?

Response
Well during the lockdowns in Covid, it gave me some social interaction (even virtually) and allowed me to be with others. Like I said, the movement and moving around was helpful for my mental health. (Laughing) and by moving it helped me not want to take a fork and stab someone in the eye.

Once I started seeing the progress and getting better, well of course you have a feeling of accomplishment. So of course that keeps you going.

And I find the gym owner and his vision really inspired me. He had a vision about the principles that the gym would be based on – how it had to be inclusive and challenging (but not hard or impossible). He also meets me where I am at that day and he wants to praise us even for the small steps. He would even make sure that all his staff were trained with the same principles and ideals so you get that same feeling no matter who you meet or work with at the gym.

Question
So what are some hints and tips you would suggest to folks who are where you were?

Response
1) Experiment. Cross -fit was a fit for me, but it may not be for everyone. And that’s ok. I also experimented with a few things at first. People should keep trying until they find the one thing that they love. And then the motivation becomes not about pushing those 5 extra pounds but the joy of doing something they love.

2) Accept the discomfort and don’t fear it. It will feel uncomfortable. Just focus on your why. And don’t be bothered by the uncomfortable in those early days – that will pass. But focus on the joy the activity brings. It will help you move forward.

3) Forgive yourself for the days you don’t feel like it, and try not to shame. I had days where I didn’t feel like it. I would tell myself in the morning, that if after hour of sitting and relaxing the in the morning, I still didn’t feel like, then don’t go. But I allowed myself to not make a rash decision, allowed myself to get up slowly and THEN make a decision about the gym. And I think like in 5 years, I have not gone 2 times. And if on the day I go, I know I am not feeling my best, I still go but I choose to do something light and make the goal “just moving”.

4) You’re not alone. So many folks come to the gym and “just don’t feel like it”. Just like me. And knowing that not everyone in the gym is feeling 100%, makes it more ok for me to just be.

5) Don’t let “shyness” limit you or hold you back. I am a shy person and I realized when I started, that I did not have to talk to people. As much as we think people are watching us, they are not. And on the days you feel comfortable talking to others, say Hi, or approach and chat with the folks that you feel most comfortable with.

And give yourself time. I now find that the gym has become a place where I go to have fun. And now we’ve all had to work through our shyness and today we cheer each other on and its kind of fun and interactive. But in those early days, I didn’t pressure myself and when it felt right, I said “Hi”.

Question
So what is a phrase, song or saying that you repeat to help you keep going?

Response
Well this is what’s weird. When I go to the gym, there’s a “%^@#” Rocky poster over the door. It is such a man cave thing and hated it. And today when you ask me this question, I realize that I actually have been using that poster as my mantra. “Always remember that its just one more rep, one more step and just gotta go one more round”. Shoot. Maybe that posted did have an impact on me LOL

Basia’s Bliss Reflections

I have known these individuals for many many years. And even after 40 years, I am always surprised by what I learn about them. And yet again, I am surprised and fascinated about the human spirit to keep one pushing forward to find…joy.

And what I have also learned is that nothing is ever static. While it may feel like you are stuck in a time, or a state, you are not actually “stuck” but you really feel that you are. And how a simple and basic goal like “just need to move” can open so many doors and lead to many new experiences.

I also realized that maybe as friends, we need to ask each other more questions like “what gives you joy?” While I knew my friends for many many years, I realized that while we share many shared experiences, stories, tears and laughter, its something different to ask these kinds of “meaningful” questions – questions that help you see their soul. It’s quite powerful when you do. So when was the last time you asked one of your good friends “so what brings you joy?”

Bliss Hints and Tips

• Wanting to know more about this gym’s owner and philosophy? Check out Starke Fitness.
• Read about the latest research around the impact of taking small baby steps.
• Here are some other tips folks have used to make big changes in their lives, just by taking some baby steps.