As I said in my earlier posts How to Take Some Baby Steps, and A Random Act of Kindness, feeding my curiosity brings me joy. But these stories aren’t about me. I’m curious about what brings my friends joy and bliss in their days.
Surprisingly, and maybe because we are friends, I discovered some similarities even though I interviewed them separately. But also heard about some key differences. And I learned a few new and interesting things about each of them.
While they each presented differing circumstances and very personal stories, they all realized that in order to find joy, they had to:
1) step out of their comfort zone
2) consciously choose to reframe or rethink how they looked at a situation and do that on a daily basis
3) take baby steps – no bing bang or one and done changes
4) realize they are just like everyone else around them and everyone started “here” at one point or another
5) be kind to themselves as they were “stretching”
Here is Buddy Bliss #3.
Buddy Bliss #3
I am lucky. I have known a lot of my friends for at least over 10 or 12 years. I find once I meet a new friend, they become friends for a long time. This friend is no different.
I met her through another friend, and since then we have travelled to places like New York City, enjoyed long weekend cabin excursions and have done a lot of “silly” together. We even realized that we both love the arts and opera! Sure, like with all your friends you have differences, but we’ve sure found more things we enjoy than not. And usually with the “silly” there are a lot of laughs.
I chose to end my series of friend interviews with this friend. Its because I knew what it took for her to be “interviewed” much less for it to be posted on a blog – something in the past she would NEVER do even if you bribed her with her favourite craft beer. So the fact that she did this, brings me joy, for her.
She stepped out of her comfort zone. And is doing it at a time, when most folks suggest that due to people’s age, they won’t change. So her being willing to be a part of this is even doubly more special and “joyous” for her.
So here.we.go!
Question
So, spring is here and it means a time for renewal and fresh perspectives. So what are some fresh perspectives that have given you joy?
Response
Yes, fresh perspective. Something I think I have to all the time. Because sometimes you get caught up in day to day living and well, it can wear you down physically and emotionally.
You have to look at things with fresh eyes and look at how to reenergize yourself and for me a big example was when I had a harder time in my life and I realized that to get through it, I had to concentrate on positive things every day.
Question
So how exactly did you do that?
Response
Well, I started out with small things like choosing to focus on the sunrise or looking or learning how others approached a situation and looked at what was good or positive about that. What I realized was that joy or positivity doesn’t always fall on your lap. You have to go out there and look for it.
Question
Sounds too easy, no?
Response
There was a time that each day was about some form of despair or depression. Its not easy. I am not sure exactly what brought me out of that but realizing you have to make a choice because life is going on around you and if you don’t find something to motivate you its just going to keep getting worse. So sometimes I fake it till I make it. But I realized that I can’t life in isolation and if you don’t actively put yourself in a positive spot, it won’t happen. You have to force yourself into that mindset.
Question
So what is one of those bliss moments for you?
Response
Mine is my saxophone. Although I had to push myself to learn the saxophone, I love it. I knew nothing about playing the saxophone and I just had to find a way to believe in myself and push myself to find situations that brought me joy. No one is going to take your hand and one day I just wanted to play music and found myself joining a jazz band. Of all things! I would have missed out on something that brought me so much joy! And today, I can’t imagine what if I never just “did it” – how much I would have missed out on!
Question
So I’ve asked folks in our circle, what would be some hints and tips for folks. What would be some that you’d want to suggest?
Response
1) Take daily baby steps – I learned to recognize I just kept doing the same daily routines. And there was nothing special or something I could appreciate. I find myself walking outside and seeing the sun shine and the birds sing and seeing it as my “Disney” moment. Finding joy doesn’t have to a big thing, and it can be all the small things around you that make you crack a smile.
To get through those hard times, you just have to chunk things into manageable steps. You can’t get focussed on the big end goal. Focus on the mini steps and each little step you take celebrate…and then take the next small step. It’s true – one day you look back and you realize “you did it” but focussing on the whole end goal, is just too overwhelming.
2) If you have a hard time finding the small things, it may mean you have to start slowing down and taking it all in. I now have to take a minute to look around me and find what would once look like the most insignificant thing, like a puddle, gives me joy. Or walking past a park with kids playing and hearing a silly story, can bring you joy! I think I had to learn to stop and look around and some days really look around and take just a little more time to reflect. I realized that we are surrounded by beauty and fun and the incredulity of the plant. How often do we look up at the stars or a blade of grass and be fascinated?
3) You are not alone. We all go through crap. I have realized that no one is living a beautiful life and with perfection. We falsely assume people have it all and that’s a high bar to live up to. And its not the case. So sometimes you have to let go of these false thoughts and realize everyone is just like you and trying to sort life out.
The world can be crushing if you think you are along. So I also look to others and see what is making t hem happy. By watching others, I can learn and see what brings others joy. Its ok to open up to other people and who understand you and its ok and safe to do that. And if you find that others are going through it, it helps. At the same time, you can’t get overly caught up in sharing how bad things are…that’s not good either. So you have to share and then also keep moving forward and not getting stuck in complaining!
4) Remember – this too shall pass. When you go to try something new, you can talk yourself out of it. When you step out of your comfort zone, this feeling of awkwardness and fear, will pass. I have to remind myself to relax, and breathe.
I was listening to a podcast one day and the therapist was chatting with a young adult who was anxious about going to class and was feeling isolated. And I remember what the therapist said “its 5 seconds” and this will pass. Its such a short period of time, so why not just reach out to someone? Its just 5 seconds! And I thought “how true”. Just stepping out of your zone, means taking 5 seconds, doing something different, and then, those 5 seconds of discomfort are over! And you moved forward.
So when I learned my saxophone (something that took me out of my comfort zone), I just pulled out a poster I had with one of my favourite quotes, and just said “right” and went for my lesson. So find that phrase or favourite quote that gets you to move forward and remind yourself to keep improving or advancing. Whatever fear you are feeling, will pass and sometimes you have to replace that fearful thought with a new thought!
Question
So this sounds great but what if you slip back into your old ways?
Response
When I recognized that things at work were getting me down about a month ago, I realized that you can’t completely guard yourself against feeling bad. So sometimes I think you have to recognize that you can’t pull yourself out of feeling bad, instantly. When things are weighing on us, you have to force yourself to find the happy things to focus on but you also have to be kind to yourself when you do find yourself feeling down. And you have to put things into perspective.
For example, a coworker left work a few months ago. When she left, I realized she was my anchor at work and kept me positive….and when she left, I realized my anchor left and worried how worse things at work were going to get. And then after stewing, I realized that you just have to accept the anger and feeling depressed but no situation will be forever.
So you have to adapt. And maybe you have to use a new coping mechanism and maybe you need a break. And for me that was playing the sax (saxophone) and reading. And after a while I realized – that didn’t help so I needed to change my routine and reassess.
Life is crazy and messy and you just have to choose to move forward and you can’t stay stuck in that one place forever. But you just have to move forward. And its hard but 5 seconds of discomfort and you’re already one step ahead.
Bliss Reflection
Years ago, my friend probably would have never agreed to be interviewed for this blog. So it’s pretty amazing that she agreed to doing this. I know that sharing her story was probably putting her way put of her comfort zone. I know – I saw her struggle to try to share and could feel the tension between wanting to just stop and knowing she had to keep going.
I didn’t force her to keep going. She wanted to.. I admire her for doing this and her spirit. She knew this new journey in blogging has brought me joy and she in turn wanted to support it even though it made her uncomfortable. Wow.
I am grateful that she wanted to share her story. I think when you have someone want to grow like she does, you have to admire it. It gives me hope and reminds me that I am never stuck and if she can do this, so can I. And that gives me joy.
Bliss Hints and Tips
– Still not convinced? That’s ok. Here are some more hints and tips on stepping out of your comfort zone and also one from the Inside of Happiness.
