As I said in my earlier post, How to Take Some Baby Steps, feeding my curiosity brings me joy. And while I am discovering what brings me joy, I also want to discover what brings my “squad” or circle of friends joy too.

So I decided to start interviewing my friends and asking them, what gives you bliss or joy? Surprisingly, and maybe because we are friends, I discovered some similarities even though I interviewed them separately. But also heard about some key differences.

While they each presented differing circumstances and very personal stories, they all realized that in order to find joy, they had to:

1) step out of their comfort zone
2) consciously choose to reframe or rethink how they looked at a situation and do that on a daily basis
3) take baby steps – no bing bang or one and done changes
4) realize they are just like everyone else around them and everyone started “here” at one point or another
5) be kind to themselves as they were “stretching”

Here is Buddy Bliss #2.

Buddy Bliss #2

Although each of my friends asked for anonymity, I can assure all of them are real. My second friend and I have been friends for over 45 years (sorry to my friend for revealing your age). Since we were little, we have probably spent every second or third weekend together. In our younger years, we played “Charlie’s Angels” in our front yard and in our young adult years we travelled and now in our “best years” we enjoy camping and evening fires and a nice glass of wine. We reminisce and laugh a lot. But not sure we have ever asked each other these kinds of questions. And so I set out to ask them – what brings you joy?”

Here.we.go.

Question:
Its finally spring. Time for renewal, being renewed and thinking anew. Can you think of a time when you chose to look at a situation differently and its proven to give you joy?

Response:
Oh my. OK. I think what brings me joy is talking or acknowledging somehow and in some way the people I see or pass. So if I am walking down a hall at work, I will nod my head to, or smile and say Hi to whomever I pass. I’ll say “Hi” to the construction workers working on my house and take a moment to chat with them! If it’s a janitor in the building or a complete stranger that I pass, I will at least greet them.

Question:
What kind of examples do you have? Who do you talk to?

Response:
Well…almost anyone is who I talk to.

Sometimes I connect with people I haven’t connected in a while. Even at work. One time I just kind of reached out to a branch that I knew had stuff going on. And just by a simple question and reaching out, people just opened up. Wow – did they share. And it does feel good to know that you could be there for that person.

It could be the construction workers at my workplace. By the time they are done, I know their hobbies, their likes, things about their families, etc.

Sometimes with young children in my family, I love seeing the world through their eyes. Looking up and seeing an airplane for the first time. And for a moment, you get caught in that wonder and amazement. It just does something for the soul to be amazed especially when you get caught up in focussing on your daily chores and lives.

Or for another office coworker who was experiencing grief, I reached out. I never really hung out with this individual, but I just wanted to reach out and just sent a short email. I was surprised by their reaction. They shared that they were contemplating resigning because they thought people around the office didn’t care. Me reaching out to them, meant something to them. And then I thought – this could be me one day. And what if I needed someone to just reach out?

So moments like these want me to stay connected to people and staying connected or connecting people, is my joy.

Question:
Why do you do this? (Laughing) Aren’t you worried folks will think you “strange”?

Response:
I am not exactly sure why. I guess life can be “heavy filled” with losses and burdens enough. People may carry all of this. Everyone has a story behind their lives – they have families, friends, and deep worlds within them and stuff we don’t see.

Even before Covid, I chose to make this my practice. And especially during Covid, when we were so separated, I feel to do it even more. I guess I see that we all are connected – there’s that human connection that I think about. I like people, even though some can be (insert expletive).

But we all have hard times and have that “story” and maybe a story of victory. And I like kind of acknowledging that “I see you” and sometimes if folks are carrying “things” that sometimes is all that person needs and that makes me feel good too.

I like people with all their faults and quirks and their stories. I love seeing all that – people are interesting to me.

Sometimes I think its also my faith. My faith – the very friendly and inclusive version – has been my foundation. I believe in kindness and believing in helping however you can, however small. We just need to give more of ourselves and not turn our back on one another. Covid has really strengthened that for me.

And well, we have one go around at life, and you have to make it count. And this is one of my ways of making it count.

Question:
What if you couldn’t do this anymore, for whatever reason?

Response:
If I couldn’t do it anymore? I’d feel a sorrow or a loss. Kind of silly, but my people at the grocery store know me, my contractors know me, and we just have so few changes to connect with people. I would feel like I am missing out. I guess I find it comforting. And knowing that these people broadens my worlds. You learn so much about people and their customs, traditions and beliefs and you realize that they are not better than your own, and help you grow. So I see this learning as a “win”.

Question:
Sometimes stepping out of your comfort zone like you do, requires a daily reminder and daily action. How do you do that?

Response:
I use this phrase “my joy is your joy and I take pleasure in your joy”. I feel such pleasure and joy when I see somebody else happy.

I just remind myself “can there be such a thing as too much kindness in this world”. And we know the answer to that question – no!

I also live by another quote “the best way to get an old friend is to get a new friend”.

Question:
So if folks are reading this and a finding doing this awkward or uncomfortable, what advice do you have to share about how you break out of that “fear”?

Response:

• The more you do it, the easier it gets. Of course. It starts with a simple Hi and in my experiences everyone says Hi back.
• Just eye contact and acknowledging the person with a head nod or wave makes me feel human. And human to human, I feel I am acknowledging them.
• Realize you have nothing to lose and who knows you might make a new acquaintance
• Accept that the outcome isn’t always a conversation. There is no pressure to have a discussion.
• I always try to walk with open body language and speak with a positive tone.
• If you do this with someone that you pass frequently or often, then just start with a Hi. Those first initial Hi’s matter.
• Believe that sometimes you meet people for a reason. And as the saying goes, you meet people for a reason, or a season or a lifetime. The goal isn’t an expectation that this will be a lifetime, but I sure enjoy my life more knowing that I have had thousands of these small “warm” contacts.
• Try not to worry if you will look “odd”. I figure, what do you have to lose. If they don’t answer you, or ignore you – so what?

Question:
When I asked you to think about a bliss story, did you think you would go here?

Response:
Gee, no. Not at all. This went where I didn’t think it would go. Wow. (Laughing). Sometimes it takes somebody to remind you to look around a bit. Its quite wondrous.

Bliss Reflection

As long as I known my friend, she has done this – waved and said Hi to complete strangers. Whether its truck drivers that we pass on a highway or a grocery store clerk – she will take a moment to wave Hi or crack a joke.

And I can tell you first hand, that no one looks at her strangely. And if in the rare instance they do, it becomes a moment that is forgotten quickly.

What isn’t forgotten is how for a brief moment two people connected over a Hi and a smile. You can see how the other person lights up or lightens when they realize a complete stranger “sees them” or is curious about them.

Its this random act of kindness that only costs you a “hi” and stepping our of your comfort zone for a few seconds. And sometimes this random act can lead to a new friend, or a new business contact or just a moment in your day where you’ve heard a great story. So the next time you pass a stranger, will you smile and say “hi”?

Bliss Hints and Tips

• So if saying Hi to strangers isn’t your thing, check out some other random acts of kindness ideas.
• Want to be really random? Try this tool from Mentalhealth.org.uk. You can click a button and it will tell you which act to do today.