Joy and Workaholism: 5 Things to Do to Rebalance

Mar 30, 2022 Work

“Success is nothing more than living your life according to your own truth and your own terms”
– Robin S. Sharma

Life Challenge: Imbalance

I am sure when you read that title you thought that this was another article that was going to illustrate how working hard can give you joy. Many years ago, I would have written an article like that.

I am/was a workaholic. I say it that way because I am still on my journey to recover from being one. Years ago – I never realized how unbalanced I really was until a former partner and my sister put it right in my face. And I am thankful they did.

Early in my career, I felt this odd and now strange loyalty to “the corporation”. I recalled doing some crazy things like spending all weekend working on a project and sending emails all weekend, to going on a personal trip and feeling compelled to visit one of our sites on the trip, even if that meant, my then partner and sister had to delay their plans. There was this madness or hamster wheel I was on, that made me believe that my life’s purpose was for “the corporation”.

And you can imagine how delaying plans on a personal vacation went. I was not only informed of my behaviour, I experienced the consequences of it. It was this moment, that I began to question “why do I have this belief or drive”, “at what cost, do I want to nurture this drive””, and “does the corporation really care I have this drive?”. I had to face these questions head on.

The goods news is that I think (and hope) I have a more balanced perspective about “joy” and work. In fact, I think if you are into workaholism, I worry its at a cost to your true joy.

Yes, I get that doing well in your career and making a difference in people’s lives, gives people joy. And I love the people I work with and am very grateful to them and for them and because of them, am lucky.

However, I now argue that workaholism is about imbalance and by its very nature defines being joyful about doing more, and getting gratification from a place that doesn’t always give back. I would argue that it is about putting your energy towards something that just always wants more and more.

** One caveat – I am not a trained professional such as a psychologist. I only share what worked for me and helped me shift. And the list below is just a starting point that helped me flow in a new direction. **

The Opportunity: 5 Small Steps to Take and Begin “Being”

Any addiction is tough (but not impossible) to shift. And mine is a life long journey of recovery. And I have made a lot of progress. It has taken years but there were a few early steps I have taken that has helped me start breaking free from the burden of my belief system. Here is what worked for me (and respect that this may not work for everyone)

1. Reframe: Start Repeating “I am a human being not a human doing”

After disappointing my family and friends on our personal vacation, I became more curious about how exactly “I got here”. All I knew was it wasn’t working for me anymore, but I didn’t know what “the right way” was. Until one day, I was reading a book and recalled in bold text, the author stating “I am a human being and not a human doing!” And there it was – the moment I realized how mixed up my thinking really was. I then used this as my mantra everyday. And when the thoughts of guilt crept in about work, I would utter this mantra and caused my frame of reference to shift.

2. Reallocate: Track and Shift how much time you spend on work

Sometimes greater awareness using objective information can help open your eyes to exactly how much time you spend on work. Tracking it on a sheet can very quickly draw your attention to how much of your precious time is spent on: sleep, work, family and friends, and personal growth. And then after you track that for a few months (to get a sense of your trend over time), decide what those numbers and proportions should be. And then see what small steps you could take to advocate for yourself.

3. Reaffirm: Define your own terms and boundaries

The Great Resignation, resulting in people leaving their “successful” careers to find balance, is a sign that people see it and want to define life on their terms and set some boundaries. Setting these boundaries is not only healthy but helps you be true to yourself. Setting boundaries is not a “big bang” event. It takes numerous baby steps and repeated actions but setting boundaries around your time, your pace, your evenings, lunch hours and weekends, are a must.

And as I wrote in another blog post, part of finding joy is needing to declare your north star. Having a north star helps you define your boundaries.

4. Reinvest: Find 1 hobby or leisure activity that you love – truly love

I had taken the early steps to change the way I thought about things. And now I needed to start investing my time not in work but in me. This is when I started to enjoy camping and gardening. I found peace and solace in being in nature and working the soil, or sitting by a fire and just zoning out. Finding a hobby allows you to learn about yourself. This new hobby helps you discover what makes you tick, really tick. Once you start learning what that is, it makes you crave it more.

Having this hobby also helps you define yourself in new ways. You learn you can be more than work

5. Reflect: Take a few moments everyday to acknowledge the small steps you have taken

And finally, you need to continue to look back and see how much progress you have made and celebrate. You need to know where you can tweak your steps and plans, but you mostly need to find ways to celebrate what you have done. This is hard work, and every single step, counts. You can reflect by writing in a journal or just take 15 minutes every day and just think about what this past week went in the right direction in terms of your journey and what else you can do next week to keep you going.

The one last comment I do want to share is if you see yourself as a workaholic, be kind to yourself. While I know I could read more about addictions and recovery, my story is about taking a trial and error approach to healing. But the one thing I have learned is that you can’t heal if you carry shame and guilt. Healing comes from being kind to yourself. That also is a life long “thing” I am learning, but step one, is kindness. It’s the first step to creating that new flow.

Bliss Moment #18

My bliss moment comes from knowing that I have made a lot of strides in curbing my workaholism. I am not done, and accept there will always be an element of it in my life. I am ambitious, determined and visionary and sometimes I lose my balance.

However, being ambitious, determined and visionary should not equate to needing to be a workaholic. And, life isn’t always about doing more. I do think you can be Type A and still find balance. It takes work but I have to admit I am more joyful knowing that I can give myself permission to take a break from work. In fact, I am at a point where I encourage the team I work with, to shut off and forget work and I do not send them any messages or texts on the weekend.

I am proud to say that I have learned the art of napping (without guilt) on the weekends. I could never do it years ago and admired those who could. Today, I am happy to say I can and give my brain permission to shut off.

I love giving myself the freedom to not worry about work. I now enjoy getting lost in gardening or landscaping. Letting go of the guilt of “well XX is due next week and so I should really get it going this weekend” is freeing.

I work hard 9-5 (ok maybe 8 to 6). I am productive, effective and reliable team member. However, on my evenings and weekends, I give myself permission to be as productive, reliable and caring to myself.

I am still working on balancing work within my 9-5 day and am finding the courage to set boundaries, and set the pace I am comfortable with. Recently, an executive coach (who was worth every penny) reminded me that one of my “needs” is to have freedom not just after work but also “in the 9-5”. I will share how that is going later on and as always, open to hearing your ideas.

But the balance and finding it, is critical. If I am balanced, I am more effective. If I am balanced, I work smarter not harder. When I am balanced, I am focussed on the right things – things that matter. And that sets the tone not just for my team but for myself.

Life is short. And I want to look back on my life and remember the adventures not just the “tasks and projects” I worked on. I have more to say and share on recovering from being a workaholic but sure am more joyful these days. I know that I have to continue to make progress and challenge the “beast” on a daily basis. Because if I don’t challenge the beast, returning to my workaholic ways is just a short slide away. And I can’t go back.

You can’t live with regret. The one I regret I do have is not realizing it sooner. But I don’t regret being called out for it. It was the moment that caused me to shift and flow in a new direction. That pivotal moment was the first time I believed in finding joy in the everyday.

Bliss Finds and Facts

For basic information about workaholism and how the evidence continues to shift, read the following short article from the American Psychological Association. Just more proof why I have to keep working at this journey.
As with all things, nothing is black and white. Here is an article that points out this thing called workaholism is also not black and white. See what you think.
For some understanding about some factors that can contribute to this tendency, here is a recent article about perfectionism from the Canadian Psychology Association.

Joy and Wander – Getting Lost at the Met in NYC

Mar 24, 2022 Play

“A visit to a museum is a search for beauty, truth, and meaning in our lives. Go to museums as often as you can.”
— Maira Kalman

Museums hold such joy and inspiration. Yes, I know that museums aren’t for everyone, and to those folks I say “but have you really tried”.

I wouldn’t say I am a junkie but every time I visit or visited a new city, one of the first things I do is visit a museum. (For the record, I have visited it about 7 times.)

Why? Because it holds so many stories – stories about how we got here today, how this city came to be, and who had brilliant ideas before their their time.

One of my “A list” museums that I love and truly adore, is the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City. (And yes, I have also been to museums in Europe and still adore the Met). I know you may be asking yourself “when will I ever get there”? Well, I was in the same boat for many years and then one year, my friends and I just stopped saying never and “just did it”.

The Metropolitan Museum is massive but not overwhelming. When you walk into the main hall, you immediately get a sense of the scale of the museum and the beauty it contains. (If you scroll down, you can see a brief slideshow of some of my favourite highlights.)

You can meander all the halls and design your own path and flow. There are multiple floors including a lower level that often houses a costume museum (and one of my favourite parts of the Met). Your visit is made up of a series of connected halls and rooms, on all floors, and if you get a little “noshy”, you can also enjoy one of my favourite cafes, looking out to Central Park, called the Petrie Court Cafe . (PS. After I visit the Met, I head south to Central Park with a coffee, and just wander in the Park.

You will not be disappointed. The museum holds famous artists such as Monet, Picasso and Renoir. And then you also see artwork or displays that just take your breathe away. If you’re like me, that’s because you aren’t an aficionado but the artwork just inspires you.

If you catch some of the exhibits, you can also see a room full of twinkling diamonds, rubies and emeralds, donated by movie stars and wealthy aristocrats. I think I spent hours at this exhibition and tried to take in all that artistry and “shine” that lit up the room. It oozed decadence and beauty.

My favourite is the sun dappled court in the American Wing, where you can sit in the sun filled atrium amongst the roman statues, and just wanting to pinch yourself.

This museum has it all. Period.

Want to see a hall full of arm and armour including ones on armored horseback? It has it.

Want to wander a room full of European Sculpture atrium? They have it.

Want to see all the famous artists you have every heard of? It has it.

Want to visit an Egyptian (“Temple of Dendur”) and a room full of mummies? Not one mummy, a room full! They have it.

Want to walk into rooms from 18^th century France and see how the rich people lived back then? It has it.

Whatever it is that you were curious about and wanted to see “live”, they have it.

I will write more about the Met (and New York City) later because there is so much to write.

But my question to you is, when will you visit?

Bliss Reflection #15

Touring the museum can take hours if you wish to see it all, and also learn more about each of the displays. Sometimes when I visit, I only have a couple of hours and make it a point to see my favourite spots and then call it good. Most times, I plan on spending either a full afternoon, or a full day (if I plan on stopping and eating).

But the joy of visiting this particular museum comes from the beauty, the history, and all the learning.

Museums feed two joy “ingredients”- 1) curiosity and 2) wandering. I love feeding my curiosity about all things called “life” and the Met allows me to feed myself full. I am always surprised by what I didn’t see the last time I visited.

Sometimes, I choose a hall and decide today I will learn more about glass vases and place settings throughout history. And then imagine what life was like back then and “how did they do that”?

Other times, I choose to wander slowly and take more time to sit, and stare at a particular painting that is larger than life in many ways.

Whatever the focus on my adventure, I am like a kid in the candy store when I walk into the Great Hall, their main entry off of the infamous 5^th Avenue. The anticipation of it is half the fun.

As I wander through, I am amazed at what civilization is capable of – good, and yes bad, but mostly good. The ingenuity, the craftsmanship, the human spirt and the connection to nature when all this tech stuff was not there – all are amazing.

My favourite joy moment, is when my friends all chipped in and bought me a membership at the Met. With my membership, I was able to use one of their private member rooms. And there I was, a northern prairie girl, sipping a glass of wine, sitting beside the other New Yorkers. Pinch me.

I have to say – I sat there and took it all in. I looked around the room and wondered about all of the stories this room and these people had. For a minute, I crossed paths with many life stories, while I sat there thinking “how did I get here”?

For me, the Met was a “once in a lifetime” joy moment. And look at me now, I’ve been there not once, but seven times. Life is short, and why not enjoy your once in a lifetime?

Bliss Finds and Facts

Did you know that the Met has audio tours and you can listen to them from the comfort of your home? Check out their audio guide.
For a listing of the current exhibitions and events, along with access their online map and shop, click here.
Visit the Joy of Museums webpage for more information about many museums across the world.
For some interesting facts about the Met, check out this blog on Mental Floss.

The Joy of Having a Norwich

Mar 18, 2022 Live

The Norwich Terrier was not a dog I had ever heard of until one joined my family a while ago. Although not as common a dog breed, it’s one that is full of spirit, determination and joy.

I first got to know this breed in 2009, when I was lucky enough to bring one home. Never owning a dog before I realized I had to do some homework first. When looking for a dog that matched my energy level, the “groove” in the house, and my experience (or lack thereof). But after consulting a few websites and reading more about the breed, I realized this was the breed for me.

A Little About the Norwich

This breed is a ”big dog in a small dog’s body”. This dog is all personality and is loyal, playful, and gregarious.

I find that he’s good with kids, reads people well and knows when to engage with someone and when to respect their space. They are dogs that both love to cuddle and chill and love to play with you. My little guy also knows when to do his ”cute pose” which can either mean, ”play with me” or just simply ”aren’t I cute mom?”

Activity

They love to walk and mine has this cute “sideways” walk where his little caboose kind of shifts to the left.

Any happy Norwich loves a yard where they can hunt. They have these huge front paws that are excellent diggers (because their job is to go after small critters such as mice etc), and mine loves to dig in his usual spot under the cedar bush or in my vegetable garden! He may have stolen a petunia or two or three but he has thankfully grown out of that. (Imagine a grown adult chasing a 15lb dog all over the yard, with a petunia hanging out of the dog’s mouth…root and all!)

Health

Health wise, they generally have good health. I discovered midway through having him, that he could be considered a brachycephalic dog due to some “skin flap” that they have. So after doing some research, I have been careful around overly exercising him in heat, and always remind the vet before any procedures.

In their older age, there can be issues with their eyes and hips, but this one has been generally in great health with the exception with one episode of cancer (now 4 years ago….will share more later.)

Bliss Reflection #14

I know that it’s obvious that pets and dogs bring people joy. I have had cats before that i loved.

But the Norwich personality is quite unique. They are feisty but loving all at the same time. On one hand, you have this small mack truck coming at you with a huge happy grin, flying across the air. And then a few moments later, he wants to lay on your lap and have a nap. He’s got the cutest butt, and when he walks, he’s got a bouncy waddle. And he always has a huge smile!

So how could this little bundle not give you joy? The answer is ”I don’t know!” Ziggy, will turn 13 in a few weeks, and is a survivor of cancer. And even though he’s slowed down just a little, he always wants to spread joy.

He just has to give me a look, I call it the ”Ziggy look” and then my heart melts. Not sure I could put into words how he has made a difference in my life. He can make your tears go away or make me have a belly laugh. I recognize and love his feistiness. And maybe it matches my level of feistiness.

They want very little, but to be loved, walked, fed, and played with. And in return they can make a lonely day go away. In return, you get some joy watching this cute butt sticking from under a bush, causing tons of mulch and soil to come flying everywhere.

All they want to do is be with you. This little guy has even joined me paddle-boarding. He loves to fall asleep on the front of the board, while I gently rock it through the water. He loves camping and can’t wait to climb into the tent and fall asleep under the cool evening sky.

He’s my little buddy. He’s taught me so much like how to just how to “be” there for someone. I’ve learned the importance of enjoying the small things in life. He’s shown me that an occasional nap during the day can make you happy.

The Norwich Terrier is hands down just the epitome of a happy go lucky dog.

PS. While I typed this entry, he was staring at me intently hoping that I would stop soon and give him some love and attention.

PPS. This isn’t ToTo from the Wizard of Oz. I believe that was a Cairn Terrier but these look a lot like ToTo. And yes, this is the breed that was in the “Best in Show” movie.

Bliss Finds and Facts

There are many sites that provide more information about the Norwich Terrier. But the best authority is the American (Canadian) Kennel Club.
Meet the woman who may have inspired “Best in Breed”.

Tag Archives: joy

Joy and Workaholism: 5 Things to Do to Rebalance

Joy and Wander – Getting Lost at the Met in NYC

The Joy of Having a Norwich

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