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Category Archives: Work
Saturday SHiNE Now Moment: SHiNE Your Way to Exceptional Leadership – H is for Humour
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Saturday SHiNE Now Moment: SHiNE Your Way to Exceptional Leadership – 6 Part Series
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Saturday SHiNE Now Moment: The Power of Informal Leadership (Part 1)
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Saturday SHiNE Moment: Introducing the Power of O.N.E (Part 1)
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Powerful Moments that Shape Your Leadership- 20 Minutes a Day
The Start
Good leadership takes practice. It also takes regular self-reflection in order to shape your leadership. This practice of self reflection goes all the way back to my start as a nurse.
In my student nursing days, I had to practice a daily “journal” that allowed me to reflect on my day, what I learned and what I could improve. The promise? Was that as a student, I would continue to grow due to the art of self-reflection.
Instructors would have us reflect on:
- what we learned that day
- how the practices on the ward compared to what we learned in class, and
- what we could improve
We would sit in a circle, and each would go around and share. You can imagine various responses – from very brief answers to long detailed stories and analyses. We all looked unsure about the outcome and impact this would have on us. But we pressed on.
I have to admit, I even wondered, “why are we doing this?” and “will this work?” And this is from the keener and optimist in the group! But after the course was over, I realized that it had worked. Due to that moment of reflection, I allowed myself to be:
1) vulnerable
2) humble
3) kind to myself and
4) growth-minded
Shape Your Leadership
The only real training for leadership is leadership.
– Antony Jay
Fast forward to when I took on leadership positions and realized how much growing I had to do. Those early days were a little painful. In those days, I didn’t feel I had my groove or my flow in terms of leadership. It felt very clunky. And I struggled some days with sometimes feeling like I didn’t own my style and that I used the wrong tools for the wrong situations.
And then, I remembered my student nursing days and that initially ” useless ” journal and reflective exercises. (I had a lot to learn.) After realizing that it worked in my “student” days, I wondered if it could work in my “student” days as a new leader. And it did. I went from questioning everything I was doing to hitting my stride.
The exercise was simple – each day on my drive home, I would ask myself:
What about today lined up with my leadership “NorthStar.”
What about today didn’t and why?
What could I do better the next time?
And if I made a mistake, is there anything I can do tomorrow to correct it?
Practicing It
And so, each day as a new leader, I allowed myself to think about these questions. Each evening, on my commute home. I chose to do this on the commute home. And just like my nursing days, the first few reflections were slow and painful, and then they got easier and easier. But the practice made it more perfect, and I had to keep doing it each day and then I quickly got the hang of it and noticed the benefit.
A few days on the ride home, I felt joyful and light because I felt I “nailed it” and was true to my NorthStar, and then there were a few drives home where it was painful to relive my day because I knew I had made a mistake.
I still remember some of those – I openly got frustrated with a staff member or when I did an overkill action, and all about ego. Of course, I have had a few bad ones and many of them with ‘good intentions .’But the only word I can use for those moments is “ouch.”
I was so hard on myself those days too, and still can be today. But I cope with those days using this moment to reflect. I think I have slight anxiety or OCD, and I can easily play over a thought for hours. And using this reflective exercise allowed me to stop that spinning and enjoy the rest of my day outside of work.
But most importantly, it allowed me to reflect on how I was true to my NorthStar and helped me focus on how my everyday actions brought me closer to being in alignment. It allowed a very incremental way of owning my leadership style. So I had over 200 opportunities each year to learn and grow as a leader.
Were there nights I didn’t reflect, sure, but I always tried hard not to miss this “session” because then I was cheating myself. Cheating myself from growing and cheating myself from being present at home. But, again, those car ride reflections allowed me to keep work at work.
Bliss Reflection
Those reflective moments taught me a lot. On those drives home, I defined my leadership values, grew as a leader, and recognized when my ego made me “step in it .” But, they also taught me that you could correct an error and ask your team member if we can “re-do yesterday” if possible. And I have done that a couple of times.
Each of those times, the staff handled it with grace and I with humility. But, I also used those moments to practice my leadership values and clarify my intentions and what I could have done differently. The feedback I received was that the staff appreciated my willingness to reflect on my actions and acknowledge my errors.
The feedback I received was that it helped build trust with my team and confidence in my leadership. And those moments allowed me to grow – probably grow the most – because those moments of admission forced me to look at myself and motivated me to work harder next time.
Those “if I could do it again moments” also allowed the staff member to share how my actions impacted them, and that was important for me to hear as a leader because it allowed me to shape my leadership model even more.
The reflections weren’t always about the bad things. Over time, and because of this drive home exercise, I had quite a few positive reflections. Frequently, I was able to identify the moments in alignment with my leadership framework and on those drives home, I was on a high.
And now, 20 years on, I am grateful for those student nursing days and this practice of self-reflection. Without them, I am not sure I would be the leader I am today. Don’t get me wrong, I am still learning and growing, but I am grateful for being shown the power of self-reflection. And in the end, I am a fan of those exercises and am now convinced that they work!
Bliss Hints and Tips
- For another list of self-reflective questions as a leader, check out this post from Leaderonomics.
- Kellogg School of Management also has some self-reflection questions – some of which I have used myself.
Joy and Workaholism: 5 Things to Do to Rebalance
“Success is nothing more than living your life according to your own truth and your own terms”
– Robin S. Sharma
Life Challenge: Imbalance
I am sure when you read that title you thought that this was another article that was going to illustrate how working hard can give you joy. Many years ago, I would have written an article like that.
I am/was a workaholic. I say it that way because I am still on my journey to recover from being one. Years ago – I never realized how unbalanced I really was until a former partner and my sister put it right in my face. And I am thankful they did.
Early in my career, I felt this odd and now strange loyalty to “the corporation”. I recalled doing some crazy things like spending all weekend working on a project and sending emails all weekend, to going on a personal trip and feeling compelled to visit one of our sites on the trip, even if that meant, my then partner and sister had to delay their plans. There was this madness or hamster wheel I was on, that made me believe that my life’s purpose was for “the corporation”.
And you can imagine how delaying plans on a personal vacation went. I was not only informed of my behaviour, I experienced the consequences of it. It was this moment, that I began to question “why do I have this belief or drive”, “at what cost, do I want to nurture this drive””, and “does the corporation really care I have this drive?”. I had to face these questions head on.
The goods news is that I think (and hope) I have a more balanced perspective about “joy” and work. In fact, I think if you are into workaholism, I worry its at a cost to your true joy.
Yes, I get that doing well in your career and making a difference in people’s lives, gives people joy. And I love the people I work with and am very grateful to them and for them and because of them, am lucky.
However, I now argue that workaholism is about imbalance and by its very nature defines being joyful about doing more, and getting gratification from a place that doesn’t always give back. I would argue that it is about putting your energy towards something that just always wants more and more.
** One caveat – I am not a trained professional such as a psychologist. I only share what worked for me and helped me shift. And the list below is just a starting point that helped me flow in a new direction. **
The Opportunity: 5 Small Steps to Take and Begin “Being”
Any addiction is tough (but not impossible) to shift. And mine is a life long journey of recovery. And I have made a lot of progress. It has taken years but there were a few early steps I have taken that has helped me start breaking free from the burden of my belief system. Here is what worked for me (and respect that this may not work for everyone)
1. Reframe: Start Repeating “I am a human being not a human doing”
After disappointing my family and friends on our personal vacation, I became more curious about how exactly “I got here”. All I knew was it wasn’t working for me anymore, but I didn’t know what “the right way” was. Until one day, I was reading a book and recalled in bold text, the author stating “I am a human being and not a human doing!” And there it was – the moment I realized how mixed up my thinking really was. I then used this as my mantra everyday. And when the thoughts of guilt crept in about work, I would utter this mantra and caused my frame of reference to shift.
2. Reallocate: Track and Shift how much time you spend on work
Sometimes greater awareness using objective information can help open your eyes to exactly how much time you spend on work. Tracking it on a sheet can very quickly draw your attention to how much of your precious time is spent on: sleep, work, family and friends, and personal growth. And then after you track that for a few months (to get a sense of your trend over time), decide what those numbers and proportions should be. And then see what small steps you could take to advocate for yourself.
3. Reaffirm: Define your own terms and boundaries
The Great Resignation, resulting in people leaving their “successful” careers to find balance, is a sign that people see it and want to define life on their terms and set some boundaries. Setting these boundaries is not only healthy but helps you be true to yourself. Setting boundaries is not a “big bang” event. It takes numerous baby steps and repeated actions but setting boundaries around your time, your pace, your evenings, lunch hours and weekends, are a must.
And as I wrote in another blog post, part of finding joy is needing to declare your north star. Having a north star helps you define your boundaries.
4. Reinvest: Find 1 hobby or leisure activity that you love – truly love
I had taken the early steps to change the way I thought about things. And now I needed to start investing my time not in work but in me. This is when I started to enjoy camping and gardening. I found peace and solace in being in nature and working the soil, or sitting by a fire and just zoning out. Finding a hobby allows you to learn about yourself. This new hobby helps you discover what makes you tick, really tick. Once you start learning what that is, it makes you crave it more.
Having this hobby also helps you define yourself in new ways. You learn you can be more than work
5. Reflect: Take a few moments everyday to acknowledge the small steps you have taken
And finally, you need to continue to look back and see how much progress you have made and celebrate. You need to know where you can tweak your steps and plans, but you mostly need to find ways to celebrate what you have done. This is hard work, and every single step, counts. You can reflect by writing in a journal or just take 15 minutes every day and just think about what this past week went in the right direction in terms of your journey and what else you can do next week to keep you going.
The one last comment I do want to share is if you see yourself as a workaholic, be kind to yourself. While I know I could read more about addictions and recovery, my story is about taking a trial and error approach to healing. But the one thing I have learned is that you can’t heal if you carry shame and guilt. Healing comes from being kind to yourself. That also is a life long “thing” I am learning, but step one, is kindness. It’s the first step to creating that new flow.
Bliss Moment #18
My bliss moment comes from knowing that I have made a lot of strides in curbing my workaholism. I am not done, and accept there will always be an element of it in my life. I am ambitious, determined and visionary and sometimes I lose my balance.
However, being ambitious, determined and visionary should not equate to needing to be a workaholic. And, life isn’t always about doing more. I do think you can be Type A and still find balance. It takes work but I have to admit I am more joyful knowing that I can give myself permission to take a break from work. In fact, I am at a point where I encourage the team I work with, to shut off and forget work and I do not send them any messages or texts on the weekend.
I am proud to say that I have learned the art of napping (without guilt) on the weekends. I could never do it years ago and admired those who could. Today, I am happy to say I can and give my brain permission to shut off.
I love giving myself the freedom to not worry about work. I now enjoy getting lost in gardening or landscaping. Letting go of the guilt of “well XX is due next week and so I should really get it going this weekend” is freeing.
I work hard 9-5 (ok maybe 8 to 6). I am productive, effective and reliable team member. However, on my evenings and weekends, I give myself permission to be as productive, reliable and caring to myself.
I am still working on balancing work within my 9-5 day and am finding the courage to set boundaries, and set the pace I am comfortable with. Recently, an executive coach (who was worth every penny) reminded me that one of my “needs” is to have freedom not just after work but also “in the 9-5”. I will share how that is going later on and as always, open to hearing your ideas.
But the balance and finding it, is critical. If I am balanced, I am more effective. If I am balanced, I work smarter not harder. When I am balanced, I am focussed on the right things – things that matter. And that sets the tone not just for my team but for myself.
Life is short. And I want to look back on my life and remember the adventures not just the “tasks and projects” I worked on. I have more to say and share on recovering from being a workaholic but sure am more joyful these days. I know that I have to continue to make progress and challenge the “beast” on a daily basis. Because if I don’t challenge the beast, returning to my workaholic ways is just a short slide away. And I can’t go back.
You can’t live with regret. The one I regret I do have is not realizing it sooner. But I don’t regret being called out for it. It was the moment that caused me to shift and flow in a new direction. That pivotal moment was the first time I believed in finding joy in the everyday.
Bliss Finds and Facts
- For basic information about workaholism and how the evidence continues to shift, read the following short article from the American Psychological Association. Just more proof why I have to keep working at this journey.
- As with all things, nothing is black and white. Here is an article that points out this thing called workaholism is also not black and white. See what you think.
- For some understanding about some factors that can contribute to this tendency, here is a recent article about perfectionism from the Canadian Psychology Association.
In 30 minutes and a coffee, learn what gives your team joy
“Being able to uplift others is the biggest miracle in the world.”
– Sri Avinash Do
The Problem
Many many years ago, I realized that I was dissatisfied with the way organizations conducted performance appraisals. Yes, we talked about strengths and areas of improvements and goals for the next year. That was fine.
What was I missing? As a leader, I still didn’t understand what made this person “tick” or what brought them some joy at work. I didn’t know what truly motivated them and I am not alone.
So after doing some research focussed on performance appraisals, I kept coming up short. I found new tools, some shorter, some more thorough but never could find what I was looking for – a tool that helped me understand their joy, spark or motivation.
The Solution
And then, I figured it out. I realized that what I was looking for wasn’t part of a performance appraisal per se, but rather some important motivational questions to ask each of your team members – regardless of what performance appraisal tools you use.
The light bulb came to me when I saw tools around exit interviews and the type of questions asked. And I wondered – why do we ask these kinds of questions when people leave? Why aren’t we asking these questions aasked while staff are still with you?
Wouldn’t these questions help leaders “keep” people at your organization or while they are there, help keep them more satisfied with the work environment? To me, the answer was simple. That would be a yes.
I wondered about questions like “what makes you want to come into work in the morning”, or “what would make you want to leave” or “if you were the boss, what would you change”?, shed a lot of light. And I kept going and adding over time.
I added more questions, until I developed my “Coffee Chat” tool. I now use this tool as a “starting point” to help me open the discussion on individual motivation. Sometimes depending on the individual I go through the whole list, other times, I only ask 1 question and then just spend time on that one area, other times I modify questions “on the fly”.
Sometimes, I ask my colleague ”is there a question you wished I asked but didn’t”. And not surprisingly, they say ”yes” and begin to tell me more of what is on their mind. Regardless of the question, its about the listening. Its also about trust and building trust with your colleagues (and I will have more to say about that in future blogs.)
I do these coffee chats 1-2 times per year because people are complex and motivations can change. As a leader I need to be reminded regularly about what makes folks tick. Yes, it takes up my time as a very busy leader but I view these moments as investments. Investments in my colleagues and also in myself as a leader. It goes both ways.
So all this takes 30 minutes, and a cup of coffee. You can learn so much about your colleague, while they are still with you, how they want to grow, and if they are starting to feel ”restless”.
In a previous post, I talked about a model I use as my “north star” and highlighted a model I follow. Two of the dimensions of the model is 1)encouraging the heart and 2) enabling others to act. By taking the time to listen to the ”heart” within each of your colleagues, you better understand what you as a leader can do to enable their desire and motivation. Sometimes, as the saying goes, all it takes is a spark. And then – your colleagues or team, takes it from there.
Bliss Reflection #16
Coffee Chat is a tool I have used probably for the last 15 years (or more). No matter the team or organization, I use the tool. I know it will sound a little corny, but it brings me joy.
Work days are busy. There are always assignments, deadlines, work plans, and issues. Everyday can be like the next but just different topics and files. But I work with people – people who have goals, stories and inspirations, that were shaped by life events and experiences outside of work. As their leader – I am just one stop in their journey.
So I love learning about my coworkers beyond just their job description. Every time I hear their story, I am fascinated, surprised, impressed, and inspired. I also realize, that I don’t know my staff as well as I thought I did.
Each time, I also hear some ideas that are easy and implementable. I hear about opportunities folks wished they could pursue WHILE IN THEIR JOB. And as their leader, I love being able to help them pursue their joy. Yes, I know that sometimes I can’t always do everything they wish, but my thinking generally is “why not”? If I can keep experienced staff who are wanting to grow in the organization, why not try to help them?
What else is interesting, is that every time I have these discussions, I hear person X is interested in Y, and then Y seems to appears. Let me explain.
If a staff member says they wish to learn more about department wide committees, I find myself at a meeting shortly after where a new department wide committee is discussed. Whether this is pure coincidence or the universe working its magic, I am not sure, but each time I do this coffee chat, this phenomenon always happens.
And to me, doesn’t matter why. But it happens, and a smile comes across my face each time it does. And in a time where there is the Great Resignation, I think its even more important to do these stay interviews. And as a leader, we need that joy too.
Bliss Finds and Facts
Finding Your Northstar
Being a leader gives me joy. Hard to believe I have been a “leader” since I was 18 (I am now north of 45, more like 50!) I wasn’t always a good leader – it was a skill I had to keep refining and nurturing and doing and making mistakes and promising myself not to repeat it again.
Those early days were a little painful. I was mistaken and thought a leader meant being in control. Wrong! While I have forgiven myself for not knowing better, I now see that there was a different approach I could have taken – one where you coach, mentor and encourage, and where you share a future vision, set standards and hold people accountable. I came to that realization through self reflection (which I’ll discuss in a later blog) and finding my “north star”. My mental model that helped me “own” my style of leadership was from a book I had read by Kouzes and Posner, called The Leadership Challenge.
Bliss Reflection #7
That’s when life changed for me as a leader. If it wasn’t for me making some painful mistakes, I don’t think I would have been motivated to reflect and ask myself if what I had been doing as a leader was working. (That’s always an important question to ask yourself as a leader.) I realized that what I had been doing, was not ”me” or me being authentically myself. So after searching through many many books on leadership, I finally found the one – ”The Leadership Challenge” – that I thought “yah, this is it, this makes complete sense”. The model isn’t complicated, and the book does an excellent job of explaining the model and each of the five elements:
- Create a Shared Vision
- Challenge the Status Quo
- Model the Way
- Enable Others to Act
- Encourage the Heart
Each one resonates for me, and whether I have been in for-profit, non-profit, in health or education, I have found that this model works for me, and works every single time. It works in times of chaos and stress and in times of stability, it works with millennials and mature employees and it works in small and large teams. Having this “north star” has allowed me to ”own” my style and to be consistent in it. It has helped turn my leadership around from being ”controlling” to now building leaders who go on to be great leaders. I’ll feature each of the five elements later in my blogs, but this model has changed the way I lead.Once you practice it everyday, it becomes almost rote -not in a robotic way, but in an “authentic in every moment” way.
This model has helped me find the joy in leading and leading leaders. Having this model has helped me reflect on what is important to me (and to the team and the organization) and has allowed me to grow and stretch. It has taken a lot of practice and a few more mistakes (even today). But now that I have found my stride and own my style, I find great joy in seeing the impact this type of leadership has on my colleagues, my organization and my customers. What’s your leadership framework? What’s your “north star”?
Bliss Finds and Facts
- If you want to read more about the model that works for me, check out The Leadership Challenge website. What I really like about this leadership model is that they also offer various tools and resources, including self and 360-degree assessments to help you understand what more you can do to be consistent with the model.
- Another thought leader that I have enjoyed reading and following is Simon Sinek and his book ”Start with Why”.
Finding Bliss in the 9-5
Work can sometimes drain you. But would you believe that even when you “think” that, that you can still find several moments of joy everyday?
The answer is – yes! Sometimes it comes from others and when you least expect it, but maybe when you need it the most. I have a few colleagues that worked with me in the past and have sent me a note about something I did or said as their “boss” that makes me reflect and appreciate them. What touches is me is the fact they took the time to reach out. Time out of their busy day to let me know how I made an impact on their work and their life.
Coincidences are not accidents but signals from the universe which can guide us toward our true destiny.
– Deepak Chopra
Bliss Reflection #5
While it would be easy for me to reflect on what I did to leave that impact, I am choosing to express my gratitude to all of the former coworkers that somehow knew the right time to reach out (spiritually maybe). What’s also interesting is that they always reach out just when I question if what I do as a leader matters. Apparently, it does. I am amazed at the kind people I have been lucky to work with. Those souls that give of themselves to others.
Folks have reached out via LinkedIn and email, with physical cards and or told me ”just in the moment”. And the fact that people take the time to send these thoughts to me, is what makes me even more grateful. Each and every time, without fail.
So as Deepak Chopra points out, I am choosing to see these notes as the universe slowly guiding me in my leadership journey. Whether you believe in angels or spirit guides, these messages tell me to keep going, and tell me to keep going and to stay with style of leadership. What these folks may not realize is that I have also kept these notes and every so often, pull them out and just remind myself what really matters. To all of the kind souls – THANK YOU.
Bliss Finds and Facts
- If you want to dig further into the meaning of coincidences or synchronicity, check out the Law of Attraction website. It’s a good launching pad to understanding how some folks view these coincidences.
- As for gratitude and the art of expressing thanks and the benefits of doing so, read the following article from Huffington Post.