The Start

Good leadership takes practice. It also takes regular self-reflection in order to shape your leadership. This practice of self reflection goes all the way back to my start as a nurse.

In my student nursing days, I had to practice a daily “journal” that allowed me to reflect on my day, what I learned and what I could improve. The promise? Was that as a student, I would continue to grow due to the art of self-reflection.

Instructors would have us reflect on:

• what we learned that day
• how the practices on the ward compared to what we learned in class, and
• what we could improve

We would sit in a circle, and each would go around and share. You can imagine various responses – from very brief answers to long detailed stories and analyses. We all looked unsure about the outcome and impact this would have on us. But we pressed on.

I have to admit, I even wondered, “why are we doing this?” and “will this work?” And this is from the keener and optimist in the group! But after the course was over, I realized that it had worked. Due to that moment of reflection, I allowed myself to be:

1) vulnerable
2) humble
3) kind to myself and
4) growth-minded

Shape Your Leadership

The only real training for leadership is leadership.

– Antony Jay

Fast forward to when I took on leadership positions and realized how much growing I had to do. Those early days were a little painful. In those days, I didn’t feel I had my groove or my flow in terms of leadership. It felt very clunky. And I struggled some days with sometimes feeling like I didn’t own my style and that I used the wrong tools for the wrong situations.

And then, I remembered my student nursing days and that initially ” useless ” journal and reflective exercises. (I had a lot to learn.) After realizing that it worked in my “student” days, I wondered if it could work in my “student” days as a new leader. And it did. I went from questioning everything I was doing to hitting my stride.

The exercise was simple – each day on my drive home, I would ask myself:

What about today lined up with my leadership “NorthStar.”
What about today didn’t and why?
What could I do better the next time?
And if I made a mistake, is there anything I can do tomorrow to correct it?

Practicing It

And so, each day as a new leader, I allowed myself to think about these questions. Each evening, on my commute home. I chose to do this on the commute home. And just like my nursing days, the first few reflections were slow and painful, and then they got easier and easier. But the practice made it more perfect, and I had to keep doing it each day and then I quickly got the hang of it and noticed the benefit.

A few days on the ride home, I felt joyful and light because I felt I “nailed it” and was true to my NorthStar, and then there were a few drives home where it was painful to relive my day because I knew I had made a mistake.

I still remember some of those – I openly got frustrated with a staff member or when I did an overkill action, and all about ego. Of course, I have had a few bad ones and many of them with ‘good intentions .’But the only word I can use for those moments is “ouch.”

I was so hard on myself those days too, and still can be today. But I cope with those days using this moment to reflect. I think I have slight anxiety or OCD, and I can easily play over a thought for hours. And using this reflective exercise allowed me to stop that spinning and enjoy the rest of my day outside of work.

But most importantly, it allowed me to reflect on how I was true to my NorthStar and helped me focus on how my everyday actions brought me closer to being in alignment. It allowed a very incremental way of owning my leadership style. So I had over 200 opportunities each year to learn and grow as a leader.

Were there nights I didn’t reflect, sure, but I always tried hard not to miss this “session” because then I was cheating myself. Cheating myself from growing and cheating myself from being present at home. But, again, those car ride reflections allowed me to keep work at work.

Bliss Reflection

Those reflective moments taught me a lot. On those drives home, I defined my leadership values, grew as a leader, and recognized when my ego made me “step in it .” But, they also taught me that you could correct an error and ask your team member if we can “re-do yesterday” if possible. And I have done that a couple of times.

Each of those times, the staff handled it with grace and I with humility. But, I also used those moments to practice my leadership values and clarify my intentions and what I could have done differently. The feedback I received was that the staff appreciated my willingness to reflect on my actions and acknowledge my errors.

The feedback I received was that it helped build trust with my team and confidence in my leadership. And those moments allowed me to grow – probably grow the most – because those moments of admission forced me to look at myself and motivated me to work harder next time.

Those “if I could do it again moments” also allowed the staff member to share how my actions impacted them, and that was important for me to hear as a leader because it allowed me to shape my leadership model even more.

The reflections weren’t always about the bad things. Over time, and because of this drive home exercise, I had quite a few positive reflections. Frequently, I was able to identify the moments in alignment with my leadership framework and on those drives home, I was on a high.

And now, 20 years on, I am grateful for those student nursing days and this practice of self-reflection. Without them, I am not sure I would be the leader I am today. Don’t get me wrong, I am still learning and growing, but I am grateful for being shown the power of self-reflection. And in the end, I am a fan of those exercises and am now convinced that they work!

Bliss Hints and Tips

• For another list of self-reflective questions as a leader, check out this post from Leaderonomics.
• Kellogg School of Management also has some self-reflection questions – some of which I have used myself.