Turning Tough Feedback into a Gift: A New Approach to Leadership Conversations
We’ve all been there—whether we’re giving feedback that we know someone won’t like or receiving feedback that’s hard to hear. These conversations can make or break trust. If we handle them well, they’re productive. If not, they can do the opposite.
But what if we changed the way we thought about feedback? What if, instead of seeing it as an uncomfortable exchange, we viewed it as an opportunity to give and receive gifts? This shift could be the key to transforming those tough conversations into moments of growth.
When we think about gifts, sometimes they’re exactly what we want (a black turtleneck, in my case). Other times, they might not spark immediate joy (like anything with glitter). But in both situations, we want to show gratitude, because every gift has value.
This same mindset can transform how we give and receive feedback.
Receiving Feedback:
Next time you’re on the receiving end of feedback, try these steps with the gift-giving analogy in mind:
1. Acknowledge: Reflect back what the person has shared with you to ensure you understand. (“Wow, Aunt Sue, it’s a sparkly pink sweater!”)
2. Gratitude: Show appreciation, even for the difficult feedback. (“Thank you for thinking of me.”)
3. Follow Up: Share what you’ll do with this information. (“I’ll try it on now so you can see how it looks.”) Maybe that feedback will fit your style better than you expect.
Giving Feedback:
When you’re giving feedback, this approach can make the conversation more constructive:
1. Acknowledge: State what you’ve observed using “I” statements, without judgment. (“I saw this sweater, and I thought of you.”)
2. Gratitude: Thank the person for listening and for the opportunity to share. (“I hope you like it!”)
3. Follow Up: Offer support when they’re ready to make changes. (“That sweater looks great. Maybe try it with sneakers, too!”)
How Does This Tie Into SHINE?
The SHiNE framework can help us master feedback conversations by applying Heart and Nurturing from SHINE:
• Heart (building trust): By acknowledging and showing gratitude, we build an environment of mutual trust. Both giving and receiving feedback requires a level of vulnerability, which we can approach with humility and honesty.
• Nurturing (supporting partnerships): When we offer follow-up support, we nurture growth, showing that feedback isn’t just about correcting, but about empowering others to improve.
What Changes When We Approach Feedback as a Gift?
By reframing feedback conversations this way, we create psychological safety. We remove the defensiveness that often comes with feedback and instead embrace the idea that feedback is a gift—sometimes welcome, sometimes surprising, but always valuable.
What if these conversations just felt better? What if giving and receiving feedback could be an empowering experience where everyone involved grows, improves, and leaves the conversation feeling more engaged?
You have the tools to make these conversations better. Trust yourself, lead with heart, and take that first step—because the next conversation you have could be the turning point for real growth, for both you and your team.
One more thing: All of us have been here…scared to have that discussion. But one thing I know for sure, if you speak from a place of integrity and declare your intention up front, most folks respond well. And when I declare my intention, or vice versa for that matter, I find people accept the gift or feedback with grace. Just speak from the heart, and stay focussed on your intention.
Till next week. And keep SHiNEing.
THANK YOU
To my content collaborator on this week’s Saturday Leadership Moment!
This week’s article comes to you on behalf of Shana M. Shana and I had the pleasure to work with one another, and I always admired her leadership on ensuring we practiced psychological safety in the workplace. It’s an honor to have you as a co-collaborator on this week’s topic.
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PS. Mark your calendars. And join me on the first ever virtual course on authentic leaders tailored to healthcare, government and not for profit, starting October 2024.
This 9-week immersive course will guide you through every element of the SHiNE framework—starting with standards and service mindset and ending with entrepreneurial spirit and empowerment. Discover how to integrate heart-centered leadership, build trust with your team, and drive impactful results. Sign up to be on the waitlist and begin your journey toward becoming an authentic leader.
Email: SHiNE_Workbook@shaw.ca
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