“Success is nothing more than living your life according to your own truth and your own terms”

– Robin S. Sharma

Life Challenge: Imbalance

I am sure when you read that title you thought that this was another article that was going to illustrate how working hard can give you joy. Many years ago, I would have written an article like that.

I am/was a workaholic. I say it that way because I am still on my journey to recover from being one. Years ago – I never realized how unbalanced I really was until a former partner and my sister put it right in my face. And I am thankful they did.

Early in my career, I felt this odd and now strange loyalty to “the corporation”. I recalled doing some crazy things like spending all weekend working on a project and sending emails all weekend, to going on a personal trip and feeling compelled to visit one of our sites on the trip, even if that meant, my then partner and sister had to delay their plans. There was this madness or hamster wheel I was on, that made me believe that my life’s purpose was for “the corporation”.

And you can imagine how delaying plans on a personal vacation went. I was not only informed of my behaviour, I experienced the consequences of it. It was this moment, that I began to question “why do I have this belief or drive”, “at what cost, do I want to nurture this drive””, and “does the corporation really care I have this drive?”. I had to face these questions head on.

The goods news is that I think (and hope) I have a more balanced perspective about “joy” and work. In fact, I think if you are into workaholism, I worry its at a cost to your true joy.

Yes, I get that doing well in your career and making a difference in people’s lives, gives people joy. And I love the people I work with and am very grateful to them and for them and because of them, am lucky.

However, I now argue that workaholism is about imbalance and by its very nature defines being joyful about doing more, and getting gratification from a place that doesn’t always give back. I would argue that it is about putting your energy towards something that just always wants more and more.

** One caveat – I am not a trained professional such as a psychologist. I only share what worked for me and helped me shift. And the list below is just a starting point that helped me flow in a new direction. **

The Opportunity: 5 Small Steps to Take and Begin “Being”

Any addiction is tough (but not impossible) to shift. And mine is a life long journey of recovery. And I have made a lot of progress. It has taken years but there were a few early steps I have taken that has helped me start breaking free from the burden of my belief system. Here is what worked for me (and respect that this may not work for everyone)

1. Reframe: Start Repeating “I am a human being not a human doing”

After disappointing my family and friends on our personal vacation, I became more curious about how exactly “I got here”. All I knew was it wasn’t working for me anymore, but I didn’t know what “the right way” was. Until one day, I was reading a book and recalled in bold text, the author stating “I am a human being and not a human doing!” And there it was – the moment I realized how mixed up my thinking really was. I then used this as my mantra everyday. And when the thoughts of guilt crept in about work, I would utter this mantra and caused my frame of reference to shift.

2. Reallocate: Track and Shift how much time you spend on work

Sometimes greater awareness using objective information can help open your eyes to exactly how much time you spend on work. Tracking it on a sheet can very quickly draw your attention to how much of your precious time is spent on: sleep, work, family and friends, and personal growth. And then after you track that for a few months (to get a sense of your trend over time), decide what those numbers and proportions should be. And then see what small steps you could take to advocate for yourself.

3. Reaffirm: Define your own terms and boundaries

The Great Resignation, resulting in people leaving their “successful” careers to find balance, is a sign that people see it and want to define life on their terms and set some boundaries. Setting these boundaries is not only healthy but helps you be true to yourself. Setting boundaries is not a “big bang” event. It takes numerous baby steps and repeated actions but setting boundaries around your time, your pace, your evenings, lunch hours and weekends, are a must.

And as I wrote in another blog post, part of finding joy is needing to declare your north star. Having a north star helps you define your boundaries.

4. Reinvest: Find 1 hobby or leisure activity that you love – truly love

I had taken the early steps to change the way I thought about things. And now I needed to start investing my time not in work but in me. This is when I started to enjoy camping and gardening. I found peace and solace in being in nature and working the soil, or sitting by a fire and just zoning out. Finding a hobby allows you to learn about yourself. This new hobby helps you discover what makes you tick, really tick. Once you start learning what that is, it makes you crave it more.

Having this hobby also helps you define yourself in new ways. You learn you can be more than work

5. Reflect: Take a few moments everyday to acknowledge the small steps you have taken

And finally, you need to continue to look back and see how much progress you have made and celebrate. You need to know where you can tweak your steps and plans, but you mostly need to find ways to celebrate what you have done. This is hard work, and every single step, counts. You can reflect by writing in a journal or just take 15 minutes every day and just think about what this past week went in the right direction in terms of your journey and what else you can do next week to keep you going.

The one last comment I do want to share is if you see yourself as a workaholic, be kind to yourself. While I know I could read more about addictions and recovery, my story is about taking a trial and error approach to healing. But the one thing I have learned is that you can’t heal if you carry shame and guilt. Healing comes from being kind to yourself. That also is a life long “thing” I am learning, but step one, is kindness. It’s the first step to creating that new flow.

Bliss Moment #18

My bliss moment comes from knowing that I have made a lot of strides in curbing my workaholism. I am not done, and accept there will always be an element of it in my life. I am ambitious, determined and visionary and sometimes I lose my balance.

However, being ambitious, determined and visionary should not equate to needing to be a workaholic. And, life isn’t always about doing more. I do think you can be Type A and still find balance. It takes work but I have to admit I am more joyful knowing that I can give myself permission to take a break from work. In fact, I am at a point where I encourage the team I work with, to shut off and forget work and I do not send them any messages or texts on the weekend.

I am proud to say that I have learned the art of napping (without guilt) on the weekends. I could never do it years ago and admired those who could. Today, I am happy to say I can and give my brain permission to shut off.

I love giving myself the freedom to not worry about work. I now enjoy getting lost in gardening or landscaping. Letting go of the guilt of “well XX is due next week and so I should really get it going this weekend” is freeing.

I work hard 9-5 (ok maybe 8 to 6). I am productive, effective and reliable team member. However, on my evenings and weekends, I give myself permission to be as productive, reliable and caring to myself.

I am still working on balancing work within my 9-5 day and am finding the courage to set boundaries, and set the pace I am comfortable with. Recently, an executive coach (who was worth every penny) reminded me that one of my “needs” is to have freedom not just after work but also “in the 9-5”. I will share how that is going later on and as always, open to hearing your ideas.

But the balance and finding it, is critical. If I am balanced, I am more effective. If I am balanced, I work smarter not harder. When I am balanced, I am focussed on the right things – things that matter. And that sets the tone not just for my team but for myself.

Life is short. And I want to look back on my life and remember the adventures not just the “tasks and projects” I worked on. I have more to say and share on recovering from being a workaholic but sure am more joyful these days. I know that I have to continue to make progress and challenge the “beast” on a daily basis. Because if I don’t challenge the beast, returning to my workaholic ways is just a short slide away. And I can’t go back.

You can’t live with regret. The one I regret I do have is not realizing it sooner. But I don’t regret being called out for it. It was the moment that caused me to shift and flow in a new direction. That pivotal moment was the first time I believed in finding joy in the everyday.

Bliss Finds and Facts

• For basic information about workaholism and how the evidence continues to shift, read the following short article from the American Psychological Association. Just more proof why I have to keep working at this journey.
• As with all things, nothing is black and white. Here is an article that points out this thing called workaholism is also not black and white. See what you think.
• For some understanding about some factors that can contribute to this tendency, here is a recent article about perfectionism from the Canadian Psychology Association.